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The Importance of Creating Boundaries

Mutual Respect
Mutual Respect
Photo by Quique Kierszenbaum/Getty Images

An epiphany experience that I have experienced on my journey has been the realization that what I allow I receive… now don’t take this so literally that you start to think – ohh that Ashley, she’s such a cold heart she’s saying I was abused as a child because I allowed, it, etc.. etc. etc. no, she’s not. Something’s happen and they are terrible, and it sucks, and it’s tragic and I get that. What I am talking about is daily behaviors and exchanges between you and the people in your life.

For me, through friendships, business relationships, and possible boyfriends. I found myself getting consistently upset that people were letting me down, or that I was receiving the same behavior from them. Having experienced a low level of respect growing up from my parents on many occasions, I had a tainted perception/view of what I was worthy of, and how people treated each other. I have also had two things… a HUGE heart and desire to give freely and abundantly, and also a firey temper that isn’t triggered by life’s insignificances, but life’s injustice… particularly what I felt to be “unfair” treatment. What? I would say…I just gave you so much of me, why are you not returning that favor? Or I am a Spiritual Counselor and you know this is my job so why are you constantly coming to me as a “friend” for coffee and turning it into a spiritual counseling session for which I am not being compensated; hell you didn’t even buy my coffee… I was consistently in a space out of balance, and one of sadness… I felt used on many occasions even. I was the “victim” by default for being what I thought was a “nice person”, and then I realized that kindness starts with your heart, and it’s about the truth. It’s about speaking your truth in sincerity and creating boundaries that protect your interests, all the while still allowing you to be a “good” person.

I would give for so long until I would have a meltdown, as someone so in their authenticity it’s really hard for me to hide my emotions, so what you see is truly what you get (those who follow my social feeds now will see a lot of balance as of late and that as well you can trust as authentic) and my “kind” actions would wind up hurting me in the end. I wasn’t the one with the donations rolling in to support my vision, or with the guy who was calling me up and taking me out for that dinner, or leaving a sweet love note to remind me of how he feels. I was being duped into spiritual counseling sessions disguised as lunches, and I was….mad at the world. How dare these people do this to me?

And then… I saw the light, and found my voice, and most importantly… took responsibility for my life and my boundaries and my world and what shows up. I find that it’s best to be authentic. To verbalize what a friendship is to me, that it is a mutual relationship, and not a spiritual counseling session, and in doing so, my business has flourished with real clients who are willing to make the energy exchange necessary to receive what I feel is truly vital support in their world. I have since been able to donate even more time and efforts to support souls in need (I literally have donated multiple sessions/words of love this month alone, and I have a track record for supporting charitable organizations and people’s hearts) because I have the energy and means to do that, because I created my boundaries.

With men, I stopped chasing them… I stopped blaming the wrong guys for being horrible partners because I couldn’t verbalize and accept my needs. I.E. I need to feel seen, supported, and valued in a relationship, I need a partner who is present and consistent, and I need to feel mutually attracted to them on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. And I won’t chase down anyone, or even spend my time anymore on someone who is not showing up in that way. Or on someone who is showing up in many ways, but I have no romantic attractions to that person. So you see… it’s all about boundaries and clarity in ALL aspects of your life. And most importantly, taking responsibility for that. Finding your voice, and not allowing yourself to be a victim where people and the world are attacking you, constantly leaving you without. Step up, stand in who you are, share lots of love, and smile! Because you are awesome and you deserve nothing less than the best treatment and if we just take it to an energetic law of attraction/embodiment level…you literally receive from the universe a response to the story you are writing so!

Mine involves, friends who are mutual, loves who are mutually in love with me, and a business that is mutually benefitting both me and my clients, as with everything it’s all about balance.

Much Love

By Ashley Davene
www.artoflovebyashleydavene.com