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The "I'm single but my heart is taken" dance of obstruction

Don't lose out on the chance to find the relationship you desire by making yourself emotionally unavailable.
Don't lose out on the chance to find the relationship you desire by making yourself emotionally unavailable.

Dating can be complicated. Girl meets boy, boy charms girl. Girl decides it's time to take things to a next level with boy (usually meaning sexually). Next thing you know, you're in your feelings and have totally fallen for a guy that has only done the bare minimum to win your heart over. Once this happens, you become fixated on wanting something more with this guy, therefore becoming emotionally unavailable to other men that may be interested. This is a phenomenon I like to call the "I'm single but my heart is taken" tango. This is one dance that may keep you from the happiness you're looking for.

Don't take the phrase "I'm single but my heart is taken" literally. This doesn't always mean that you're in love with someone. This phrase just simply means that you're emotionally unavailable. You want to spend all your time and attention on that one person who you have grown to feel some kind of way about. This phrase is obviously only used to describe a situation with someone that you don't have an exclusive relationship with. The person may be an ex, a current partner that isn't "ready" for anything serious, an ex husband, or a guy that already has a significant other. The guy of interest is in reach for physical and sometimes financial needs, but just out of reach when it comes to the exclusive relationship situation you really desire.

This way of thinking can be a great hindrance to you gaining a substantial relationship. You are devoting yourself to someone that is only keeping you as an option. You have placed someone as a top priority in your life that is only doing the bare minimum for you in order to make sure you stay a person of convenience. This can hurt your chances with someone that may be genuinely interested and a better option for you. There's nothing inviting about playing "red light green light" with someone that is interested in you because you're waiting around hoping for someone else to have a change of heart. This is a turnoff to many men, and it will push them away.

One thing about this emotional unavailability that sticks out to me has to do with the level of satisfaction. Is this person who "has your heart" truly making you happy, or are you just hoping that one day they will? Can you pinpoint the reason why this person has so much control over your feelings that you don't even want to give anyone else a fair chance? If the reasons include great sex, nice car, his financial status, or his popularity, it may be time to reevaluate things. Those are great qualities,but they don't solidify a healthy, happy relationship. Don't get caught up allowing your surface desires to over power what you really want, which is someone to love you, treat you well, and be exclusive.

If you are single, take advantage of just that.....being single. The old saying still applies. Don't put all your eggs into one basket. Doing so can not only leave you disappointed more often than not, but it can also limit your options due to you coming across as an unavailable woman, and some would say a naive one as well, due to the fact that you're waiting on that person to one day get some "act right" that he may have never really had with you in the first place. Don't miss your chance of finding something worthwhile just because you are waiting to change the mind of someone that probably doesn't deserve you to begin with.