Every girl goes through it with at least one relationship in her life. She's got a guy that she's crazy about. She knows he's the one, she wants to spend every minute of her time with him but there's just one problem she just doesn't see. She might sense something about him, but she diregards it because he's just that into him. Even her friends are be can see it but she's clueless. What's his problem? He's a game player. She may not realize he's playing games but he is. He's mind f*cking her.
If you've ever watched an episode of The Hills that contained to two-headed beast that's composed of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt then you'll recognize some of these antics right off the bat. Pratt is the master of the find f*ck.
He acts aloof ALL the time. The guy treats the woman he's dating or even his girlfriend as if he's not interested. He tries to keep her on her toes so she doesn't get comfortable. He doesn't commit to any plans until the last minute, keeping her guessing about whether or not he's going to spend time with her.
The purpose: To make her insecure about the relationship. In his opinion, if she's comfortable then she might get bored and move on. He doesn't want to lose her but he doesn't know how to be in a healthy, functioning relationship so he acts like he doesn't care thinking that will make her want him more.
He sends her mixed signals. At a party or gathering of friends, he sweet talks her, telling her she's the most beautiful girl in the room and that he's so lucky to be with her, then he sidles up to some girl she's never seen before. He spends several minutes chatting up the new girl while glancing, goadingly at his girlfriend before returning to her side. His excuse he was just being friendly. She's left feeling perplexed while he continues about his business.
The purpose: To see what he can get away with. He's pushing her buttons to see if she'll snap and put a stop to his nasty behavior or if she'll be passive and pretend it didn't happen. Neither solution is what he really wants to happen, but he does it anyway. The passive response will end in more bad behavior and the assertive response will end in him accusing her of being jealous. The best way to deal with this to plainly say, “I will not be mistreated by anyone so if you want to flirt with other girls, the you can do it as a single guy.” If he responds positively then you shouldn't have to worry about his badboy behavior anymore. If he responds negatively then he's not mature enough to be in a relationship and he's not the one.
He uses her friends to annoy her or make her jealous. This friend is mostly the one who's his girlfriend is probably trying to avoid or unfriend at that moment. He goes to lunch with the unfriend and talks to her about his girlfriend and says he doesn't understand why she's mad at her or anything of that nature. He then runs back to his girlfriend and says how weird the unfriend is that he'd stay away from her. Then invites her to gatherings where the girlfriend and the unfriend must confront each other, while he stands back and denies any part in the debacle.
The purpose: To see who she chooses. He wants to see if she'll call him on his “friendship” with her unfriend or if she'll blame the unfriend for everything he's done. This is usually just done for his own amusement. There is no reason for this other than play puppet master in his own twisted puppet show.
He drives a wedge between his girlfriend and her bff. He singles out one of her friends, usually her best friend, to tear them apart. Anything she may have done that bothered his girlfriend he brings up whenever possible. He brings up her name in the most random conversations or out of a dead silence, to bash her goes as far as to publicly defame her to anyone who's willing to listen. She never asks him to stop dissing her friend and eventually she starts to “see” what he means and begins choosing him over her bff, effectively ending the friendship.
The purpose: To make him her confidant. If she doesn't have her bestie to talk to, then he'll be the first person she goes to when she's had a bad day, when someone said something she didn't like, when she has good news. He's now her shoulder to cry on. He can learn all the dirty little secrets of anyone who tells them to her.
He isolates her from the world. After he's succeeded in wrecking her friendship with her best friend, he starts to try and occupy all of her time. She makes it so all she has time for is work and him. He plans elaborate dates and weekends away that seem like heaven. If she wants to make plans with her other friends she has to check with him first to see if they're doing anything. Because heaven forbid you should spend one night apart. He might even try to talk her into quitting her job and moving in with him so that they can spend all day every day together.
The purpose: To make her dependent on him. If she relies on him for everything, then she'll be less likely to end the relationship. This puts him at an advantage to be as bad as he wants and have the feeling of security that she's not going anywhere because she's alienated her friends and family, doesn't have any money of her own and do anything without him knowing.
This guy knows what he's doing. He's done this before and when this relationship ends he'll do it again with some other woman. Men who play these games do sometimes change, but the ones who take the time to concoct scenarios and play them out are the ones to watch out for. If you've ever been involved with a guy like this and gotten out. Good for you. If you are with a guy who does things like this and still haven't figured it out, now's your chance to call him on it.
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