The founding fathers of 'domestic terrorism'

Okay everyone, do you have your I Love Irony caps on? Good. You're gonna need 'em. April 19th is Patriots' Day.

Great. What does that mean?

Well, you can get a milquetoast definition from Wikipedia, something straight out of a public-school history book: there's a name (including a technical admonition from the apostrophe police), a date, an event, and some stupendously useless trivia: what state institutions observe it as a holiday, what sporting events coincide with it, mention of a few re-enactments, days of the week the anniversary will fall over the next five years, and (here's the first test for your caps) when it coincides with Tax Day, including what implications that might have for the Tax Day deadlines. Wow, that's spiffy and useful—can't upset the tax man, you know!

Okay, so it's a commemoration of the opening battles of the American Revolution. Again, what does that mean? This is that great big question you perpetually had in your head all throughout those dreary history classes: “Great, those details are swell and all, but why should I care?”

Oh, I don't know. I mean, it's just the story of a gun battle between duly constituted state authoritah and a bunch of “domestic terrorists”, sparked off over the right to keep and bear arms, that kicked off a full-scale revolution. It seems that some uppity peasants had completely lost their proper sense of obeisance to the government, concocting all sort and manner of whack-job conspiracy theories about government excess, intrusion, and abuse (including, get this, criticisms to such perfectly normal concepts as “shut up and pay your taxes and nobody gets hurt”), and needed to be taught a very public lesson to put them back in their place. This rabble not only was hoarding unlicensed, unregistered, un-permitted, military-style weaponry and ammunition that was of equal or greater capacity than the duly constituted armed forces (including the truly fearsome “assault weapons” of the day, rifles capable of precision accuracy at extended ranges), but many actually carried such arms on their persons at all times, and openly spoke of a willingness to use them against the government, should such try to “lay down the law” and take the means of their resistance by force. And—possibly to the surprise of both sides—when the government crossed the rebels' line in the sand ("lay down your arms, you damned rebels!"), they did it. They opened fire on their own government, for no other reason than the self-ordained “need” to be free of it. (It's like a Hollywood movie plot, but with an incontheivably wrong ending.)

Those insolent little punks. Why on earth would a civilized society ever want to follow their example?

Ooh, that's an interesting question (still got your caps on?), seeing as how our current government seems to want not only to wipe the significance of all of this under the rug, but to actively demonize (and spy on and quite probably criminalize the peaceable activities of—transgressions as always punishable by force!) anyone who so much as even notices this sort of thing with favor or agreement. It seems that there may again be rabble in the peasantry, waxing insolent on such things as “shut up and pay your taxes and nobody gets hurt” and shamelessly promoting that most irritating of all concepts, the idea that individual people somehow have inherent rights that must be respected, even by their plurality-elected overlords who have important work to do. (Some have even constructed the ridiculous fiction that such nonsense actually appears in the law somewhere. The cheeky bastards!) But worry not. “Top men” are on the case, as we speak, and they'll work on ferreting out those pesky ne'er-do-wells for you.

Uncle Sam may not want to hear it, and he may threaten and breathe fire and beat his chest as is his usual wont, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. His threat is certainly chilling enough, as it is intended to be, but it is also insulting, on multiple levels, to all the peaceable.

In response, how about a little stickfinger salute this Patriots' Day? Find someone who doesn't know the full story, and remedy that. It's just speech, and true speech at that. What harm could come from speaking the truth?