The Flipside of Manners & Food Intolerance: Some Friendly Do's and Don'ts

Checklist photo by xololounge on Morguefile.com

In the comments from yesterday’s post about manners and food allergies, Michael pointed out that folks are tired of listening to us whine. In the same comment string, Stephanie noted the ill-mannered guest who insisted that her hostess tailor absolutely every item on the menu to her allergies.

So, for today, I’ve put together two sets of helpful guides: a set of do’s and don’ts for those of us with food allergies and intolerances; and another for those who don’t have to worry about what they eat.

Do’s and Don’ts For the Food Intolerant Individual

• Do offer a few ideas for the menu if you know a friend is planning a party
• Do offer to help prepare the foods with your friend or family member, or to bring a dish
• Do educate your host / hostess about cross-contamination, hidden foods in ingredients lists and other pitfalls in food preparation.
• Do offer a reasonable selection of restaurants to your friends when it’s time to go out to eat together. Gather a list of places you’ve already researched, tried, tested and know.
• Do your homework. Check out the internet, call the restaurant in advance during an off-peak hour (3 pm) and speak with a manager about your questions, menu options and concerns.
• Do Brown-Bag it. If you’re spending all day somewhere or traveling, it is a good idea to load up on snacks and munchies in the event that you don’t find anything you can safely eat.
• Don’t whine. Yes, you’re eating plain iceberg lettuce and cheese for the third straight day in a row. Just try to remember it isn't all about you, and no one else really wants to hear about it. Commiserate with fellow allergic folks when you have a chance.
• Don’t eat something you’re allergic or sensitive to “just to be polite”. At best, you will feel lousy for the rest of the meal, and won’t be pleasant company anymore. Which is I believe is far more impolite than skipping a problem food.

Do’s and Don’ts for the Person With no Food Allergies

• Do include the allergic person on the restaurant decisions – you want to go to Cheesecake Factory but Maggiano’s is right next door, and so much more allergy-friendly. If you ask your friend for that kind of information in advance, then everyone will be able to enjoy the meal and the company equally.
• Do include the allergic person in the menu planning and preparation. Ask your friend if he or she has recipes you can use, or if certain dishes would be easier to adjust than others. 
• Do ask your friend to be a little accommodating in return. If you can do the turkey, can she bring enough stuffing for everyone?  Pick the toughest dish – the one you can’t conceive of making allergy-friendly - and find out if your allergic friend would mind preparing it.
• Don’t be put out if they eat their own food or don’t eat with you. If you’re serving pizza and cupcakes, your gluten-free friend will be bringing a personal-sized frozen pizza and ice cream. This has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally. He is just taking good care of himself.
• Don’t belittle a person’s medical condition, suggest that they cheat “just this once”, or suggest that they “get over it”.  Avoiding foods that are pervasive like nuts, soy, gluten, dairy or corn takes a lot of energy, hard work, research and time. An individual who is actively not eating a particular food is doing so because he or she has a doggone good reason to avoid it. 
• Don’t push too hard to know “what happens if you do eat it?” Unless you’re a doctor, or thrive on TMI, it’s safe to say you really don’t want to know.