Is it over?
The so called ‘fiscal cliff’ has been averted. It was like an abscessed tooth that festered for months and was finally pulled immediately prior to the death of the patient. The process of ‘compromise’ has been ‘compromised’ irreparably in the town that civility forgot. The lawlessness of Tombstone Arizona before Wyatt Earp appeared was a Sunday picnic compared to the rhetoric being flung around the Capital.
The real compromises of the fiscal cliff fiasco have been a carefully guarded secret, but there are people with money who have pried the truth from the paws of the animals in power. The story is astounding.
Mitch McConnell, the hard liner Republican Minority Leader wanted Nancy Pelosi to kiss his ass under the Senate gallery. He won that concession when Pelosi, under advisement from her lawyers realized that under McConnell’s directive she could don a mask of John Boehner as she approached the gallery. The kiss would only be with closed mouth and would last less than 3 seconds. The Senate photographer would not be present. This was arrived at when all parties agreed that ‘kicking her ass’ might result in a hospital stay and under the current health care laws, she was not ‘covered’.
Majority Leader Harry Reid got his concession of putting a saddle on Minority Whip Steny Hoyer, riding him at least 12 feet around his desk while shouting “Who’s got the whip now?” to any staffers in attendance. Hoyer’s lawyers, at the last moment, asked for and received a concession on the 12 foot rule and the ‘riding’ was to be stationary for a total of 20 seconds or until Hoyer’s legs buckled. Reid would then get to sniff the whip before handing it back.
In a rare unified motion, all agreed that Grover Norquist was a ‘weenie’ (The real language, censored by the House Rules Committee) and should have at least 2 fingers of his writing hand, if not broken, then severely crushed by someone none of them knew for the plausible deniability, so he could not author any more ‘pledges’.
In other news…
The words ‘Fiscal’ and ‘Cliff’ were to be struck from any subsequent legislation authored by any-one in the House or Senate.