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The Fall of the House of Kennedy: Patches, er, ah, Patrick

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The Daily Caller is reporting that Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-Stolichnaya) trundled up to a trendy bar around 11:00 PM last night and proceeded to down several—make that a half dozen—vodka shots until he was cut off.  This was only a few hours after he testified to Satan's power, which comes in the form of distilled Spirits, that is: "after he spoke about his history of substance abuse at a charity event."

Patrick Kennedy, also known as Patches, is the woebegone son of the late Senator Edward (the Swimmer) Kennedy, who died late last year.  Rep. Kennedy ports the moniker "Patches"  from a horribly melodramatic song by the Blues artist BB King, some of which goes like this: "But I would remember what my daddy said, With tears in his eyes on his dyin bed. He said, "Patches, I'm depending on you son, To pull the family through. My son it's all left up to you."

Here's a summary of his life of "challenges" as compiled by Wikipedia:

  • Acknowledged treatment for cocaine use during his teenage years
  • Admitted that he abused drugs and alcohol while he was a student at Providence College.
  • Sought treatment for an OxyContin addiction in 2006.
  • Patrick was part of a gin-fueled trip to Au Bar in Palm Beach on Easter in 1991 when William Kennedy Smith. allegedly raped Patricia Bowman.  Patrick was alleged to have covered up for Smith who was acquitted.
  • In 2000 Kennedy allegedly pushed a female security guard at Los Angeles International Airport as he tried to board a jet, prosecutors decided not to charge him, however he did pay an undisclosed civil settlement.
  • In 2000, Atlantic Navigation Company of Mystic, Connecticut, claimed that a boat they rented to Kennedy was found abandoned off Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, with US$28,000 worth of damage.

And on and on.

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 electric cigs, pipes,<br />
cigars, cartidges,<br />
atomizers and </p>
<p>e-liquid

Compelled? Confused? Possessed by Satan?  let me know at Miami.Comedy@gmail.com

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