There's something amiss in the wide world of weddings. On one side there's the February issue of Marie Claire that sparked controvery with their article about single bridezilla's--women who are planning weddings before they even have boyfriends. As easy as it might be to call these women crazy, if you look at theknot.com's Not Engaged Yet board you'll find that it is the second most frequented board on the site. That's a whole lot of crazy to dismiss.
Then there's the other side with all of the statistics that tell us more than 40% of marriages end in divorce, and that only 45% of people 25-34 are currently married, which is a whopping 10% less than there were in the year 2000. The actual number of marriages dropped 4% from 2008 to 2009. So what the heck is going on here? Is this a case of wishing and wanting, but not getting the dream come true? Says Christine, a NJ native transplanted in Hattiesburg, MS, "I feel like the...focus is on weddings not marriages. Like women's ultimate goal is the fairy princess wedding, as if getting married is some sort of validation of worth, not about wanting to find someone you want to live with the rest of your life."
It's hard to disagree with Christina. The media loves to flaunt photos of lavish weddings, but is even more eager to dish the dirty details of divorces, and lately, we've been seeing lots of those. Adam, from central New Jersey, thinks there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye. "The media has turned marriage into a farse." Adam, who has been married to Tracy for almost 6 years now, claims "there are people out there who do see marriage as a sacred covenant you have with your spouse and her family, but the media and politics have bastarized the notion and have used it to draw party lines." As the 2012 election draws nearer and nearer there is no doubt that marriage will surely be getting a lot more attention, but to what end. Should an institution that seems to be failing bring in new recruits? Will bringing homosexuals into the marriage fold change the stats? Says Adam, "probably not. The numbers will stay the same, because everyone has problems." but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited to try. "Any couple, regardless of their sexual orientation, should be given the chance to work it out...or not."
According to a Pew Reserach study on how the economy has affected personal growth, nearly 25% of people 24-35 are postponing marriage. Rachel from Brooklyn says, "I basically feel like I'm married to Dave now - we have been together for 5 years , lived together for 4 , have a joint bank account & a daughter ( well if you consider Nahla, our puppy, an actual daughter) but I'm in no rush to get married, I don't see how signing a paper changes a relationship." Her sentiments are echoed by singles across the state. Kristine Cadevero of Haledon, NJ is one of them. "Sometimes I think marriage is really necessary, [but I'm not sure if it's] because 'that's what happens when you grow up'? People can be with someone for a while [without being married] and are still happy. Are you really going to be happier because you signed a paper?"
What is the point of getting married nowadays? Women no longer need to be called "Mrs." in order to acheive and earn on the same scale as men. In fact a woman can go to a bank to deposit a check and another to pick up half of the genetic code needed to make a baby. Women have the same ability to have their own health insurance, and are probably having even more fun flying solo on the weekends than their married with children counterparts. So why bother taking that walk down the aisle at all? Adam's wife, Tracy says, "The relationship itself stayed the same. We had the same fights after we were married that we had before, but the level of commitment is much greater." For those who take their marriages seriously, "Getting divorced is not just letting yourself down. It's breaking a promise you've made publicly to your family, friends, and spirtual higher power. You have a lot more at stake, so working it out is much more important. You can't just walk away from a marriage the same way you can when you're just dating."
According to Adam, this generation of would be brides and grooms have seen the problems the Baby Boomers have had, not just with marriage, but also with, "getting in debt, losing mortgages, and even the mess that the government is in right now" and aren't interested in repeating them. "[Our generation] is more cautious." Kardashians aside, Adam thinks that the new crop of newly weds are waiting longer to get married and have tested their relationships for years, only saying "I do" when they really mean it.
It seems all the wishing and wanting is a ploy by the wedding industry to capitalize on previously untapped demographics in order to keep their business from going bust. Either way, the numbers don't lie. Young people are waiting longer to take the big plunge. So don't worry about the fantasy wedding you've been planning in your mind, but don't get so wrapped up that you forget what the fuss is all about. Adam warns, if you make it all about one day, "you're in for a lot of disappointment. It's find to get excited about celebrating a big milestone in your life, but you need to remember that you're celebrating the beginning of your life with the person you chose."
Says Rachel's mom, Norma, "I view [marriage] as a big gamble! some are winners at it, other's losers, does it depend on how you play your hand? Who's to say. Even though I was a loser at it, I have know many marriages which have succeeded through the years. When I think of all the one's who made it, those that won, I'd say it is well worth the gamble!"
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