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The Definition of Insanity

"The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake and expecting a different result."
"The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake and expecting a different result."
Kandinsky Black Strokes; Wp Clipart

With every failed relationship  we gain insight into who we are and what we desire in another human being. Of all the hardships and challenging experiences I have endured from relationship mishaps, there is not one that I look back on regretfully. I am grateful for the meaningful experiences I have had with those who I have shared myself with emotionally and have found more and more of myself throughout every relationship experience. A part of finding our sense of self is gaining understanding of what one appreciates in a partner and developing a clear conceptualization of expectations for a partner’s behavior and communication. Women and men are often dissatisfied in relationships because they tend to find themselves dating persons who present the same unwanted patterns of behavior. We have all heard the statement or said ourselves at some point “I am dating the same person over and over again” after a failed relationship. I have spent extensive time researching and psychoanalyzing what causes individuals to develop unhealthy relationship patterns and want to present ideals to prompt readers how to break the cycle.

With each relationship experience, it is our duty to ourselves to look at the relationship objectively and gain understanding as of 1.) how we expect to be treated by another human being and 2.) how we can meet our need of feelings of interconnection with someone else in a healthy manner. The foundation of William Glasser’s Reality Therapy thrives on the idea that all of our actions in life are attempts to meet one of the following needs: love and belonging, survival, power, freedom, and fun. Reality therapy provides a model of building relationships by creating a need-satisfying counseling environment that I seek to provide for my clients. I prompt individuals to think of how their maladaptive behaviors or relationship issues are attempts to meet their needs in an unhealthy manner. When one fails to do such, they will continue to be attracted to individuals who present the same maladaptive behaviors. Women often times get stuck in relationship patterns with men who are possessive or mistrusting and complain that “they always date guys like this.” It is not that this type of person is seeking the woman out, but that the woman is subconsciously choosing to be involved with others that she either thrives off attempting to change men or on some level appreciates the co-dependencies. These irrational methods of meeting the need of love and belonging are often developed from exposure to the roles our significant loved ones have played that have “normalized” unhealthy relationship dynamics and most be identified and restructured for patterns to be broken.

Someone once said “the definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake over and over and expecting a different result.” The purpose of each failed relationship is to gain understanding of how we expect to be treated by another human being, as well as self evaluate unhealthy ways we attempt to meet our need of interconnection with someone else. Every relationship happens to help make us more of the individual we are intended to be in the path of life if we will allow it to be so, but it will not shape us into our intended beings if we cannot learn from our experiences by gaining a stronger sense of self and clear conceptualization of what we want in someone else. At this point in my life, I know exactly who I am and what I am looking for in someone else from the insight I have continuously gained about my inner self from each relationship experience. Do you?


  • chris green 5 years ago

    Overall, I enjoyed what you wrote. I think its important for people, men and women to recongize a few things. 1. The origin and continuous distress relationship patterns with others begins withing ourself. Who ultimately decides to start that relationship? When we start seeing those familiar patterns, its important for the person to have enough self-love and self-confidence within themselves to get out. The trouble for alot of people is that they fear going back to being single. Which leads to my next point...We all need ime to know within ourselves the ability to have self-love, without that, we can never be abe to enjoy real, healthy love with someone. Expectations are second best if the person doesnt have enough self-love for themselves. Alot of people go into the same bad relationships cause they convince themselves that its the only type of partners that will accept them for a relationship. It comes down to self-love in my view.

  • Jim Ed 5 years ago

    Self love is the root of all evil. The reason most end up with the "same" is because they themselves are the "same" "self loving" hypocrite. I remember Chris as a kid and the only time I ever saw him angry. It was on the bus while he and his brother beat the hell out each other. Anger is a human trait. I constantly try to control it or it will win. Anger, sex drive, and other natural traits are about the only things that make me "the same" as anyone. My self love is omitted for my love of God and others. If I commit to someone, I forgive, but it is often after I have an "anger outburst" during which time I say things that may be mean. I do not ever get violent with any woman. Chris would be angry and would also likely say very harsh things if he found out his wife was being unfaithful. He would also likely forgive and return.(I have known Chris forever) Subjection to constant psychoanalysis is cruel and once recognized, you both would grow tired and angered by such too. STOP

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