Skip to main content

See also:

The death of Sam Jackson and William Shatner is too much to bear

It looks like somebody is thrilled about Unlimited Cash Back.  On the other hand, we might just want to amend our Constitution to outlaw those three words for the rest of eternity.
Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

The passing of Robin Williams is still fresh in the national consciousness.

I am not sure if I can handle the death of Samuel L. Jackson and William Shatner in the same year.

It is just too much.

Oh, the latter two are still very much alive in the body as far as I can tell, but surely they are dead in their acting spirit.

What could prompt such a diagnosis?

First to Mr. Jackson. He died a three word death and they are not even among the words of his usually spicy lexicon.

What killed him?

UNLIMITED CASH BACK.

Every time that I watch a Sam Jackson movie—it doesn’t matter new or old—all I can hear is unlimited cash back.

I watch very little television, but already I have heard or watched his lips move a thousand times. Sometimes I hit the mute on the remote before he gets a word out.

Imagine how much cash back you could get if the card company didn’t have to pay Mr. Jackson every time that commercial ran.

Now to Captain Kirk, I mean Denny Crain.

William Shatner is making law firm commercials now. The one I saw was targeted to the Oklahoma market—I think. There are some others running elsewhere.

Many have accused Shatner of not being able to act throughout his career, but who else could take the world where no man had gone before. Who else could end their day with Scotch and sex on his balcony and win a case just by saying, “Denny Crain?”

At least with Priceline commercials, Shatner was animated, but not with these law firm commercials. Constipated would be more descriptive here.

Jackson and Shatner were two men that I expected to see acting until they died. They were unique in their own ways and drew large followings for most of their work.

But if hear the words UNLIMITED CASH BACK once more or see Denny Crain with a look that pleads for prune juice any time soon, I will follow this brief article with their eulogies.

Gentlemen, please find some real acting work. I am not willing to watch your painful though profitable acting deaths played out on the little screen.

Here's an idea. Get your bad-ass clothes on. Surely there is an Expendables 4 or 5 or 15 coming soon.