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The culpability of the "other" woman

We've all heard Tiger Woods apologize. We witnessed the Steve McNair funeral earlier this year after his mistress fatally shot him. We wondered what was Mark Sanford thinking when he abandoned his post as Governor while traveling to Argentina for a tryst with his mistress; and we felt “the joke’s on him,” when it was disclosed that David Letterman possibly slept with staffers during his marriage.

the other woman

Adultery is one of the most abysmal "facts of life" in contemporary America. Society is plagued with images of it daily on soap operas and on primetime television. Countless images which really amount to soft-core-pornography, give the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And some of these shows make the inappropriate deeds of these infidels, fair-seeming.

We’ve felt disgusted by the revelations of these transgressions. And we can see the shame the wives endured while standing by their husbands during press conferences, striving to keep their dignity.

But what about the culpability of the "other woman?" What makes her choose to move forward into the land of the forbidden? What is it that makes these types of women cross that line?

More often than not society rants and raves about how bad the husband is … or what the wife should have done to keep him at home. What about the “other woman’s” role in this life changing debacle?

Isn’t she obligated to respect the sanctity of marriage? Couldn’t she have turned down his advances or should she have thought twice before making the first move?

Take Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak ,for example. She stated throughout her tenure on the wildly popular Bravo reality show, that she has no problem dating a married man. Kim's "boyfriend" Big-Poppa,  often showered her with gifts and other expensive accoutrements despite being legally married and living with his wife and children. 

Psychologists define the deliberate taking and involvement with a married or committed man as “mate-poaching.” In a 2009 study in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers found that 90 percent of single women were found to be interested in pursuing married men; but only 59 percent were interested in single men. Conservative estimates show that about 60 percent of married men will have an affair at some time during their marriage, usually with single women.

Honoring one’s friend is essential to a civilized society. The golden rule requires that we “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” and that we protect and support a couple’s rights to their exclusive marital relationship. The “other woman” breaches the essence of this ethical code when she disregards the wife and becomes involved with the husband.

Some feel that if their lover's wife is a stranger, they aren’t violating a friend. Thus, they are not doing anything wrong. However, moral behavior is based on principles, not on the level of acquaintance. Recent studies suggest that “mate-poachers” do not consider the golden rule.

In the blog, “Girl, Leave Her Man Alone,”  it states that the conduct of mate poaching stems from a failure of values, poor boundaries, a misguided competitive spirit, low level of compassion and being self-centered. If women would stop sabotaging the bonds of sisterhood, cultivate sisterly relations and develop gender-loyalty™ we would be a lot further along.


Now, suppose that women who are approached by married men, said “no” to an affair?  This would leave the husband with no one on-the-side. Of course men will continue looking for another woman to become involved with - - but, if women were to keep locking arms and saying "no"  - the cycle would end, right?   He would have no other choice but to go back to his wife and be her devoted husband; or to be truthful about his inability to be in a marital relationship and get a divorce.

As women, we have more power than we think. Our behavior dictates the behavior of the world because are mothers... the "first-teachers of children."  This makes us the true leaders because we partner with God to set the tone for all that is... That being said, we can revolutionize society with our "virtues.” 

If the women that trolloped after Tiger Woods had viewed Elin as their ‘sister’ he would not have been able to continue his quest of whoredom - steadily building his own personal harem.  Society is supposed to respect the institution of marriage and honor it as one of God's creation. We have a moral and divine duty to help men and women keep their marriage vows. 

Below are a few tips to refusing the advances of married men.

  1. When men approach you simply say to them: “I love your wife too much.”
  2. They may respond and say: “You don't even know my wife?”  
  3. However you should reply: “Although I don't know her in the physical sense. I do know her in the spiritual and in the emotional sense for she is a woman as I am and I would never do something that would hurt another woman or upset the balance in her home just so you can satisfy your lower desires.”

If all women considered the wife, we would force cheating husbands to have a moral epiphany and work on rebuilding the marriage he is attempting to ruin with an extra-marital affair.

Men cheat because women make themselves available. Some women who make themselves available do so because they don’t care about protecting sisterhood and honoring the golden rule. Women can help foster truth in relationships by refusing to be an accomplish to adultery.  Women must stop aiding and abetting men in their attempts to break their marital vows.

When women say no, he either has to go home and fix his marriage.  And if that doesn't work, he needs to ask his wife for a divorce. Bottom line.

We are all sisters and we need to start a gender-loyalty™ movement to get back the divinity of sisterhood by supporting, protecting and respecting one another.


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