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The changing case for bisexuality

Gay men can be catty.  Before you jump all over me for uttering this statement, remember that I am one of them and if you are reading this, there is a strong chance you might be one too.

What brings me to a broad statement such as this?  Well, the complexity of GLBT relationships will often offer up a bit of a mixture in the letters that make up "GLBT".  Gay men mask their own sexualities by engaging in relationships with straight or bisexual women.  Transgender individuals certainly don't enter relationships solely with other transgender people, and many lesbians find themselves crossing over to test the waters with straight men alike.  The concept of a gay woman "turning straight" for a man seems to delight and fascinate men all over, but switch the roles and turn the tables, and you will find very few hardcore straight women who would care to share more than just a one night stand with a gay man.  

The point: double standards run rampant in the GLBT community.  

Now that this has been stated, it's important to mention that the third letter, nestled tightly between "L" and "T" gets very little play and positive attention.  As a drunk man dressed as a leprechaun once told me: "it's almost as trendy as bisexuality".  What he was referring to, I can't exactly recall, but his statement stuck with me over the course of five years because in his astute drunkenness, he brought up the notion that our society sees bisexuals as the ultimate cry for attention.

This idea was reiterated recently when a former boyfriend of mine decided to call on me for advice.  He asked "when does someone stop being bisexual and just admit to being gay?"

I was astonished.

My best answer was "perhaps never".  No one person should be held to a benchmark or a deadline of when they must cross over into full-blown homosexuality.  In fact, some would identify as being so gay they can barely look at women without squirming, where as others feel they embody your average guy but are living with a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.  So, why should anyone pass judgment on another simply because they feel an attraction to both sexes.

What many within our demographic tend to forget is that our sexuality is not a choice.  It's safe to say that someone attracted to members of both sexes similarly did not choose their fate, but were genetically assigned it.  Perhaps with an emotional pull, it is likely the standard bisexual will end up settling down with someone on either side of the gender fence.  Maybe then someone who considers themselves bisexual may change their tune if they are faithfully married to a member of the same or opposite sex.

Whatever the case may be, it certainly should never be up to any of us to judge the story of someone who has a thing for both men and women.  Humanity on the whole can be sexually arousing, and perhaps being bisexual is just a way to tap into that school of thought.  It's not a choice, as we should all firmly understand by now, but it is worth saying that for once it's time to give "B" the attention it deserves as being just like the rest of us in the G, L, & T categories.


  • Brad 4 years ago

    Jonathan- I think you are wrong on one thing. I am a straight man, who until 3 yrs ago had never had any sexual thoughts about men. I have only told the 4 girls I dated since then that I sometimes fantasize about "being on my knees" in front of a good looking guy. To my amazement all three of them said they found it hot and had secretly fantasized about 2 males together (much like men fantasize about 2 women)! They also said they would not have any problem marrying a bisexual male, as long as they were sure they would not cheat (unless it was with a male and with them) and they liked females more. I was very shocked. Also, I think I am ready to actually get w/ a guy. I want to keep this discrete since I am still mainly interested in women, but wish to experience a sexual affair with a man. Any ideas on where I can find a man? And a man that is not a skank?

  • Steve 4 years ago


    I am bi, long married and monogamous. However before I married, I happily loved the one I was with, gender was not an issue.

    The folks who least accept my bi-sexuality' are my gay friends, who claim there is no such thing as bisexuality and that I should stop kidding myself and everyone else and just come out as gay. They seem to not give much credence to the fact i love my wife and completely enjoy our sexual relationship.

    The folks who accept me the most are straight or bisexual women (or other B or T folks, see below), who mostly react like the girls Brad mentions above, they LOVE it. I think that I can have a feminine or submissive side attracts them hugely and they all said they'd love to see me with a guy. It's interesting to me that people who are not normally voyeuristic, and in the case of the straight ladies normally not into things GLBT, want to watch me with another guy. I am also surprised at how few women find bi guys icky or sick.

    Gay girls mostly don't care, I'm not on their menu in any way, so they live and let live.

    The 'T' folks live and let live and want to play :-)

    Other bi-boys DEFINITELY want to play.

    Straight guys are straight guys, most just think anything queer is icky or un-natural and try to ignore it or consider beating me up on principle. They are the live and let be JUST like me set...