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The case of the missing man

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You meet a great guy. Texting leads to conversation followed by a first date. He goes ghost on you. Everything seemed to be going so well, so where did it all fall apart? Admittedly, woman are most often the source of our own demise. Men don't let you know where things went array so we must turn to our girlfriends to solve the mystery of the missing man. Now our girls,being our biggest supporters, will spin the situation to save our dating confidence. "Girl, he was probably threatened by your success." "He is commitment phobic." "He gay." At some point we, as women, must look inward. If you are never asked out on a second date, you honey are the problem. In no way am I condoning dishonesty in dating but you must also be able to "sell" yourself. Here are some of the common behaviors that drive men away during that initial stage of dating.

  • Emotionally slutty In the first stage of dating it is necessary to hold your cards close to your chest and maintain a poker face. If you feel you have met your soulmate, do not divulge this information within the first six months. Let him text you first at least half of the time. Don't be available everytime he asks to see you. In other words, play a bit hard to get. Don't be easy. Take this advice literally and figuratively. If you find yourself doodling his last name attached to yours please burn or shred the evidence.
  • Um ma'am your biological clocking is showing You spent your 20's focusing on your degree and school without much time for dating. Good for you. So now you are 5-10 years behind a lot of your friends in the family lane. Just because you decided you are ready for a husband and children does not mean the stork is on his way to your house. You have years of bad dates ahead of you. There is no HOV lane in the dating highway. Be patient. If you bring up kids or marriage in the first few months you will scare the poor guy off. If he asks how you feel about marriage, tell him you would love to be married but are in no hurry. However, if the right guy were to come along of course you are open to it.
  • Bitter brawd aka the Manhater So, you had a bad relationship. Either you got cheated on, dumped without cause or your man had a case of the Ike Turner's. You cannot expect any man to pay the debt of another's. Do not bring up the dirty details of this relationship gone bad. When the topic is broached, be very vague. Let him know you are disappointed things did not work out, but you are eager to make a fresh start. If you start bringing up domestic violence, his first inclination will not be to become Shemar Moore and prove to you not all men are the same. Any clue that he is a character in the next "Diary of a Mad Black Women" will lead him to exit stage left immediately.
  • I'm not saying she a gold digger Avoid the income based line of questioning. "What do you do for a living?" is fine as a career choice says a lot about a person. So does lack of employment. It shouldn't be your first question. Never ask his salary or his FICO score. He will expect your next question to be a request to co-sign on a car note. When he asks for your restaurant selection, pick somewhere you would take yourself to. A date is not the time to explore your restaurant bucket list. Think PF Changs or Razzoo's. If you do not order steak and lobster when you are paying the tab, do not do so now. It sets a bad impression. Never, ever ask what kind of car he drives. Assume he has one that works.
  • Social media detective It is acceptable to ask a man if he is on Facebook or other social media outlets. In fact, married men are usually caught up this way. On the other hand, you have to use it sparingly. An occasional like on a comment is fine during the first few weeks. Do not check him in on a date at a restaurant. Not unless you are exclusive. He will immediately de-friend you. Do not comment on everyone of his pics or give him the impression that you are Facebook stalking him. "Liking" a pic from a year ago is a dead give away. His friends have no clue about you. Let him be the once to introduce you to his world not the other way around.

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? ~ Jerry Seinfeld



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