'The Butt, The Butt: It's the Responsible Thing To Do" Chat with Author, Mara Altman (video)

Not in a single one of our correspondences has Mara Altman presented herself as a sexpert. Instead, hers is the irreverent voice of a woman opening her mind to the possibilities of sexual pleasure. It just happens that her sexploratoration about anorgasmia has inspired HBO to option a series based on her book.

Her time in the limelight is pissing off a few un-enthusiasts who, amongst other things, complain that her strong voice is drowning out the personal narratives of others with sexual imbalances needing to be righted.

Modern Love says hogwash. Altman’s gift isn’t just witty repertoire, but a kind of honesty that encourages others to share their sexual aches and pains too. A word of caution: The interview below may be too explicit for some readers. The video will most certainly make your grandma blush, especially Altman's description of what Modern Love might delicately call butt love with her "sacred whore."

Modern Love: Tell me about your first orgasm.

Mara Altman: I was in San Francisco, visiting with a lot of sex experts/professionals/workers in my attempt to learn. I’d just hung out at a party with a couple of very nice porn stars, and they were all so incredulous about my situation – like orgasm was the easiest thing in the world. I was like, well, ever thought that’s why you’re a porn star?

But anyway, I didn’t actually say that, instead I got equal parts frustrated and adamant that I was going to have one. Forget about getting pushed over into a state of bliss, think pushed into a semi-state of embarrassment – being the one anorgasmic gal at a porn party.

Anyway, I went home that evening and got down there with my little paw and popped one out. I rubbed myself – wouldn’t stop - until I felt something. It wasn’t a particularly exciting one – didn’t even feel that spectacular - but it showed me that my juncture had some orgasmic life in it.

ML: Many woman are anorgasmic. It's an awkward topic to address for those who have them with relative ease because they aren't always aware of the subtle steps that go into that Big Bang. How did you overcame that?

Altman: Yeah, I really like this topic/issue because everyone feels very passionate about it. People really have opinions about orgasm. I find it interesting. I’ve literally seen people argue about orgasm that goes like this:

A: it’s easy
B: it’s hard
A: no, it’s easy. I have like a gabillion everytime I touch my p*ssy.
B: no, it’s hard. My p*ssy is as forthright as a rock.

For me, orgasm came so slow. And as I’ve seen post-book, my life came together in ways that it wouldn’t have without developing a deeper understanding of myself – wants, desires and how to fulfill them.

To uncover my orgasm I had to become infatuated with (or at least accept) my body, surround myself with supportive people, focus on my crotch (i.e. not think of all the errands I had to do while in that space) and make self-loving a regular part of my day…seriously, like brushing my teeth.

Oh, and stop being judgmental about yourself and your junk. It’s your junk. Love your junk.

ML: What does a woman say to a man if they are going to be intimate for the first time, and she can’t have orgasms? How do men, lovers, partners respond to that?

Altman: Before I started searching for my orgasm, I knew it was something that I was missing, but I didn’t realize all the shame attached to the idea of being anorgasmic. It wasn’t until I was at the beginning of my search and people would ask what I was working on that I began to get feedback like, “wow, you’re so brave.”

I’ve always been a late bloomer. In this case, I guess I was lucky because if I’d realized how ‘embarrassing’ it was to admit to being anorgasmic, I may not have had the ovaries to write about it. I’m glad I did.

So that being said, when I became intimate with a lover, I would flat out tell them: “I don’t have orgasms so don’t go expecting any of that yelling and moaning stuff.” Looking back, that really makes me laugh. In a way I was letting them off the hook from even trying to pleasure me, but in another way, maybe that’s what I wanted because I was afraid to not have a ‘proper’ response.

Now I approach the issue entirely differently. I would still be open about my orgasm status, but in a less definitive way and more of an opening up a conversation about how we could attempt to get me my pleasure way. Because ultimately, I believe it is pleasure we are after and not necessarily orgasm. If you follow the path of pleasure, orgasm will lurk down the road.

Visit Altman at www.maraaltman.com to learn about her HBO optioned book, Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman's Quest for An Orgasm (2009). Follow her on twitter @maraaltman or buy the book at Amazon.

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