Yay! or Ugh! Breakups can go either way. They can be a sigh of relief or they can be the most depressing and devastating thing you can go through. If you really truly loved or cared for the other party I would assume that it is the latter that most people feel. Even when a bad relationship ends there is some type of pain associated with it. Unfortunately, I have become quite skilled at the art of ending a relationship. Now that I think about it, I have always been the one to end the relationship. I can’t think of one time where a man has ended it with me. Usually I have come to the conclusion to discontinue the relationship because I have done all I can do and it is not being reciprocated. Relationships are a two way street. We both have to make an effort to make it work. From my prospective I’ve gone all in. I’ve held you down, supported you, been understanding, patient, whatever it is, but in the end I felt empty and unappreciated so I got to move on. The real kicker is that when all is said is done that is when they realize what they had with me and try to get back. Unfortunately for them the ship has sailed, caught fire, and sunk. Carpe diem nicca, you had your chance.
Ending a relationship can be very hard to do once you have come to that decision, especially if you still love the person. It’s hard to choose if you are going to follow your heart or your head. By time I have decided to end a relationship my heart is no longer being followed and I have to use my head. No one should ever end a relationship via Facebook, Twitter, or text message. It is just tacky and uncompassionate. However, I have to be honest I have ended 2 relationships via text, but this is why. The first time was because there had been some MAJOR disrespect going on and it was an ongoing argument for weeks about it. The final argument was over the phone, his lined clicked, he answered it and then told me he would call me back! He did not care that I was as upset as I was, didn’t care about how the situation made me feel, and then dismissed me for another call. The text was sent right after he clicked over and thus ending the relationship. The second time was only done because I struggled with the stagnate state of our relationship and he couldn’t seem to understand what I was asking of him. This was the hardest one because I still loved him, but in order for me to move on I had to make a clean break and cut off all communications. I could have handled both situations better, but I got out the best way I thought I could at the time. Men that I love have a tendency to say just enough to make my head swim and get me lost in their words. Somehow confusing me and deterring me from my initial plan. So, for me to make the break I had to send a text. In my defense they were classic text messages and very mature.
The worst way to end a relationship is to not end it at all. It is very immature to not bring closure to a relationship. Avoiding them and their calls and just letting the relationship fall by the weigh side is so tawdry. Just tell them you want to move on. Don’t run from it. Lame. I have a line for every situation. Only relationships you are stuck with is the one you married into. I can’t and won’t help you there. You signed up for life, so deal with it. All I can say is you should have picked better.
When ending a relationship do it in a honest, but gentle way. Here are some suggestions:
If you have met someone else and no longer want to continue the relationship you are in, then end it. BUT don’t tell them that. Instead say this:
“Our time together has been significant and I appreciate all that you have brought to my life, but my focus has changed at this point. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t be the person that you deserve right now.”
If you are no longer happy and want out, say this:
“We are in different places in our lives right now. The goals that we have for this relationship are different and I don’t want to prevent you from finding the person that will give you what you want.”
If the person you are seeing turns out to be a loser, say this:
“Look, it’s been fun, but I have to do for myself. I’m at a selfish point and a committed relationship isn’t my focus.”
Dating is a hard game to play. Nobody really wins in the end. I hate ending relationships, but they are a part of the game. Don’t hate the experience, but learn the lesson. After every relationship I have had I take the time to reflect over it and learn from the mistakes and mishaps. I reevaluate my goals, desires, things I should have done differently, things he did that hurt me and how to make better choices the next go round. I never jump into another relationship right away because I haven’t healed from the last one yet. Now there may be a “transition man” in between the break up and the next relationship, but his purpose is solely to take my mind off of things every now and then. A girl gotta eat and see the new movies. The “transition man” is not for sexual interactions just entertainment purposes, but that’s your choice if you do go there. No relationship is without purpose. I have grown and learned a lot from every man I have dated. I hope I have had the same impact on them as well. There are never any hard feelings in the end. Initially, there may be some bitterness and anger, but that is to be expected. The key is not to act on those emotions. Always be a class act. When and if you see him again be cordial and friendly. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you and start cutting the fool. Make him proud to say he had the opportunity to date you and not feel like he dodged a bullet by getting out of the relationship. You will be “The One That Got Away.” One more thing, don’t become the booty call. Once the relationship is over you will get that call at 2 in the morning asking if he can fall through. If you let him then you have officially placed yourself in Booty Call Land and you may be stuck there. Don’t cheapen yourself and your relationship. Too many residual feeling laying around to play that game with someone you once/still love.
Pray on it and move it along. Give it all to God and take your hands off of it. He got something better for you anyway.