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The boy-friend trap

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The dynamic that exists between men and female is very titillating. When the two meet there is either chemistry or not. At that moment either a connection is made and the pursuit begins or one decides that it feels more like friendship. In most cases one of the parties is interested in the other. If the affection is not returned they must settle for a platonic relationship or just decide to continue without that person in their lives. Why would one choose to pursue a friendship with someone of the opposite sex? There are perks that exist. You gain access to the unbiased opinion of a man. You are given an inside tour into the mind of a man. It is also just nice to be in the company of a male at times. It is superficial fun. No drama, egos or competition to deal with. When a guy genuinely cares about you it can be quite an ego boost when you need it. They think the world of you have no problem expressing those thoughts. In relationships, many times, men mask their true feelings in order to avoid being vulnerable. When you are just their homegirl, they are very open about how witty, interesting and adorable they think you are. Guy friends are the best people to go to when you are cofused about a dating dilemna. They give you the raw truth. Then they will then make you feel better by encouraging words, "You are way too pretty and smart to date down anyway."

Just add alcohol and you have a recipe for disaster. My advice to avoid falling into this pithole is to limit the alcohol consumption or stay in a large group. Many friendships have been ruined by alcohol induced sex. We all have questionable behavior when we had one too many. Inhibitions go out the window and the libido is in a heightened state. Can your friendship weather this inebriation storm? Only if neither of you have feelings for the other person. If one has been harbouring romantic thoughts, they are now escalated. You can expect a profession of love to soon follow. The other issue involves one of you two starting a new relationship. The first question to arise when you introduce your friend to your new Boo to your friend is, "Have ya'll slept together?" If you are honest and say yes, there will always be an issue with the two of you hanging out. The other fork in the road you can option to take is to start the relationship with a lie.

The safest friendship you can have is with either someone who is off limits or is gay. A gay friend is basically no different than having a same gender friend. Now the safe friendship is one with a man that is off limits to you for whatever reason. He is the boyfriend of one of your homegirls. Whether they stay together for happily ever after or eventually break up, he is eternally off limits to you. From the time the two of you meet it is like a brother/sister type friendship. This imaginary boundary line will keep the two of you from putting yourselves in a predictament. Now there are always a few bad seeds that do not respect girl code and cross the line.

Male/female frienships are great to break the monotony of conversations you have with your same sex friends if you can respect the boundaries.

"Intimacy does not mean the absence of boundaries. Intimacy means boundaries are more fluid and permeable because there is trust between two people." ~Marie Fortune

I dedicate this article to my guy best friend, Bj Howard. It is because of our friendship that I am positive it is possible to remain platonic. Our countless hours of conversation are truely priceless. He is not only a confidant but also my dose of reality when I need it.



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