*The following is a parody of William Shakespeare's famous “Romeo & Juliet” play scene, Act 2 Scene 2.
Nearly a week since Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora unexpectedly left the band for personal reasons for this leg of the What About Now tour, media speculation hints that the dispute with He-Of-The-Monumental-Ego is over money, and disparaging remarks he’s directed at Mr. Bluesman.
Fan speculation and concern is rife, as many imagine Sambora going about his life much like Keith Richards and Mick Jagger did when The Rolling Stones implemented Bandus Interruptus for years in the late 1980’s.
Both waited for a call that never came with the appropriate amount of remorse, and the band stayed on the sideline for years.
Since that call may never come from Jon Bon, here then is a script for him to use to repair the situation, if he can pull himself away from his 360-degree mirror long enough to make the call.
SAMBORA-O:
(speaks out loud to no one in particular)
“O speak again, O obsessive-compulsive band leader,
For thou art as glorious to our band, being o’er my head,
As is a winged song-meister sent from heavens above.
Unto the blue, upturned once-innocent and humble eyes,
Of the mortals that shell out for Circle-side seats to gaze upon him,
When he bestrides the power of my chords ,
That enable him to sail on the bosom (of lady fans) and the air.
BON JOVI-ET:
O Sambora-O, Sambora-O, Wherefore art thou Sambora-O?
Deny thy rockstar employer and refuse my name?
Or if thou will not, be sworn my loyal subject beholden to me,
I’ll no longer be able to take flight in thy rock n roll firmament.
SAMBORA-O: (whispers aloud to himself)
Shall I hear more, or shall I speak of this (B.S.) ?
BON JOVI-ET:
Tis but thy recompense for Services Rendered that is my enemy,
Thou art thyself, tho not as important as this front-man of the band and the brand,
What IS a front-man? Tis not a hand or a foot,
Nor guitar, nor face, nor heart and dagger tattoo,
Belonging to this Man. O be some other band’s guitarist!
What’s in your name? That which we call a rose.
By any other word would smell so sweet,
So Sambora-O would, were he not Sambora-O called,
Retain that power chord perfection which he owes
Without the title of the Jon Bon Sambora Band
Sambora-O, succumb to they name and bend to my worldly will
And for that name which is no part of thee without Me,
Take all that comes with associating with Me.
SAMBORA-O:
After well-nigh thirty years I take thee at thy word
Call me but apologize my love, and I shall be newly baptized and back onstage
Or henceforth I shall never be called Sambora-O
BON JOVI-ET:
Apologize?!
What man, guitar player and sexless marriage partner art thou without my band this night
Who so stumblest in my counsel?
…which brings us to the stand-off we have today.
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