Dating can be an anxiety- provoking event for those coming out of a traumatic relationship. One common mistake is to enter a dating relationship from fear rather than love- based thoughts. Julie was in shock after finding out her husband Ron was sleeping with her best friend. It was like experiencing two swords through the heart at the same time. The two people she adored most had pretty much just thrown her under the bus. Julie was also suffering from the humiliation of missing any warning signs.
Julie desired another relationship but had a very hard time trusting anyone again. She approached her dates with a great deal of mental energy. Her mind was non-stop chattering with ego based criticisms, opinions, and judgments of her dates. Julie was so busy over analyzing the potential for harm while dating that she avoided being present in the actual conversation.
Her date John appeared nice but her attention to future fear based thoughts prevented her from giving him a chance. Julie’s over analytical mind functioned like a suit of armor closing off her heart from love.She judged his strong cologne and wondered if he was a player. Next, she assessed his level of spirituality to see if he was a strong believer in God. All of her thoughts being fear based in order to protect her from any future based annihilation.
The subconscious mind will protect a person from any perceived pain. Julie is now dating unconsciously by avoiding being present in the conversation. When her date asks about her previous relationship her voice is filled with anxiety. She is too ashamed to reveal her painful story.
Julie’s dating strategy was actually bringing her exactly what she was afraid of. Her limiting beliefs that men cannot be trusted, were showing up everywhere. Julie needs to not go on a fact finding mission on her dates. Love requires her to be present and engaged in the dating conversation.
The ego which is filled with judgment, fear and opinions, does not exist in the present moment. Her single status will not change until she closes out the negative fear- based thoughts, aligns with the present moment and opens her heart. She also needs to up the level of gratitude in her life for the things that are going well for her. She might start affirming, “My painful divorce has no power over me”.
Love requires a person who is present and open to receive love!