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The Bachelor - Juan Pablo - Episode 4

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Juan says bye to Camila, and the ladies find out they’re heading to South Korea. They seem really happy about South Korea, like overly happy. Like why are they SO happy about South Korea? Maybe because of the really fast internet connection, that's all I can think of.

Nikki kind of looks like that girl from Secret World of Alex Mac. Right?

She’s pissed she’s on the group date. Everyone else seems to understand that not everyone can have a one-on-one date. Not Nikki. Nikki can’t make no sense of it.

Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, and Cat are also on the group date. Date predictions include making popcorn, and making gum. Good guesses ladies. They’re actually dancing with Korean pop band, 21.

Nikki tells us how big 21 is in Korea, because she lives in Korea, and she’s a huge fan of 21. They all go into a dance studio to dance around with 21.

Nikki makes a fool of herself by doing a weird thing with her leg. Cat is really happy because she thinks she’s a really good dancer. Elise says she is “ready to rock out with K pop and 21,” I don’t think she gets that K pop is a genre, and you can’t rock out with it.

The girls find out they’re dancing on stage with 21 at a concert in a mall. Nikki is shocked at how popular 21 is, even though she was JUST saying how 21 has 77 million views on Youtube and that's sooo many. I guess she doesn’t actually think 77 million is that many.

NEGACHE CHALAGA.

This performance is embarrassing for 21. And for Cat. Cat’s faces…

Next, Juan Pablo takes the ladies to a zen garden. CHIBACHA!

Cat feels the need to do some damage control because she’s worried she’s coming off as the hot blonde with some killer dance moves and an ass that won’t quit. Cat confesses that her father is an alcoholic, so I guess that proves there’s a lot more to Cat than what meets the eye. Then, she really lets her walls down and shares with America that she’s always been the strong, successful, independent one. I just can’t believe anyone would be vulnerable enough to say that on national television.

Cassandra doesn’t look happy that Nikki is making fun of Cat’s guacamole announcement. Screw you Cassandy, I agree with Nikki, and I thought her guacamole thing was funny.

Nikki bitches to JuanPab- is it okay if I call him JuanPab?- about feeling inferior to the outgoing girls in the house, and Juan Pablo doesn't want to talk about it, because he's not really saying anything in response.

Juan Pablo gives the group rose to Nikki. Cat did not have fun seeing that. She said so.

Where is Kelly’s dog?

Then, Sharleen gets the one on one date, and Clare is pissed because Sharleen and Juan Pablo are wrong for each other. Clare can tell. Clare knows.

Juan Pablo admits that Sharleen is his favorite "one," and he takes her to Seoul to walk around, and he feels like he’s trapped in a mize, and they buy some ugly dresses and taste monkey brain and wash it down with Krabkovich.

JuanPab takes Sharleen to a teahouse and Sharleen calls him a cheeky smart ass and teaches him what bland means.

JuanPab tries to get Sharleen to sing, but she’s wary because men are known to fall for her singing like a sailor falling for the sirens of Faiakes. She does a weird warm up that seems unrelated to opera singing, and then the voice an angel comes pouring out. Juan cuts her off after five seconds. He doesn't actually like opera. Then Sharleen grabs JuanPab’s lip with her finger and pulls on it before she kisses him. I don’t understand.

I don’t like hearing this kiss. It reminds me of someone walking slowly through a sewer, with three inches of water, and mud on the bottom.

Sharleen looks pretty on their dinner date, and they talk about things other than being in a place of readiness for love. Then Juan Pablo brings up kids. Sharleen tells JuanPab that she hates kids. JuanPab appreciates Sharleen’s honesty and gives her the rose despite the fact that she will never like Camila.

Next is the other group date, with all the remaining girls. They walk around Seoul eating food and paddling in swans. Juan takes the girls to a spa and makes some fish eat the dead skin off their feet. Renee’s feet have the most dead skin. Clare is a stalker.

We find out that Clare’s biggest fear is taking a bite of octopus. Kelly thinks Clare should be able to do it because she’s swallowed bigger things. I’m not really sure what she’s implying. I mean, I think I know what she’s getting at… but it doesn't really make sense.

At the drinking ceremony, Renee sets herself up for an awkward rejection when she asks JuanPab what Camila would think if her and JuanPab kissed. Best case scenario, they would have had an awkward forced kiss. Well played Renee.

Lauren S. gets some alone time with JuanPab and makes him dance with her to no music. Then asks for a kiss and gets denied. And cries. And then complains to JuanPab that JuanPab won’t kiss her. Then Lauren S. describes herself as someone that is optimistic. Hmm.

Kelly calls Clare a dog, which is surprising considering Kelly’s job is a dog lover.

Clare tells JuanPab that she barfed in her mouth and swallowed it back down, and JuanPab gives in and kisses her. He says likes her teeth and lips. I think I hate her teeth. She hardly has to open her mouth and there they are, all her teeth. I hate Clare. She’s so annoying.

JuanPab gives the date rose to Andi. I knew it! I like Andi. She's a nice lady.

Clare looks stunned.

Then, Renee gets a rose.

Intense drums.

Chelsie gets a rose.

Some Indian snake handler sounding music overlapping some intense drums.

Kelly gets a rose. I’m surprised about that.

Danielle gets a rose, I’m a little surprised about that too.

The music stops.

Cassandra gets a rose.

The music starts again.

Allison gets a rose. I can't even remember who Alison is.

Clare gets a rose. Nikki looks pissed.

Between Cat, Elise, and Lauren, Cat gets the rose. She kind of looks like Sweet Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. But Sweet Dee is a lot cooler, and not as stupid and annoying.

That means Lauren and Elise have to go on a 12 hour flight home, thinking about how stupid their long green dress over there gold sequin mini skirt is, cough ELISE.

Elise doesn’t know what’s in store now... So like, she was really banking on winning for some reason. Let’s be real Elise.

Lauren S. had it together at first, and then starts crying again. At least she can go back to being just Lauren.

Juan Pablo tells the ladies that they’re going to somewhere hot, gorgeous, and exotic… I was thinking like, somewhere cool, but they’re going to Vietnam.

What’s wrong with Clare in the next episode? What does Negache Chalaga mean? Did Sharleen learn German, or like... how did she overcome the language barrier in Germany? Find out the answer to one of these questions next week.

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