PART 2: (reprinted by popular demand, from March 29, 2010)
What has composing for the CD done for you as an artist who’s had to make a detour, creatively, and as a person suffering from hearing impairment? It's shown me another passion – another path. After spending most of my life playing drums on other people's music, I have found composing my own music to be one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done.
I still have a passion for drums – luckily I am still able to play as long as it's a lower volume, jazz kind of situation, and I wear customized earplugs. Even though I feel a little rusty at times, I think that playing guitar and focusing more on composition has made me a better drummer. It has really opened me up creatively. Now, more so than ever before, I am able to be in that moment and not have to think about anything else.
Sometimes, it's almost like time stops. That's my favorite thing about jazz – improvising and really being in the moment. I'm fortunate to be able to experience something similar when I play my own guitar music. It's similar to the way my body feels after I do yoga, and I sometimes think – “Wow, there are so many people who never get to experience this. If only everyone could, the world would surely be a much better place.”
Anyway – I hope that my music is something that can give people a space, a moment to get into. So far I've gotten feedback that my music has something unique to offer the listener. Especially in today's noisy world with our cluttered lives. These songs are more than just the result of me needing to express myself and cope with my hearing problems.
Usually, releasing any CD without a big studio backing can be difficult financially. What did you do differently to make this CD and spread the word? Well, I had a lot of help from family and friends. Everyone from the studio engineer, the people who I mixed and mastered the CD with, the graphic designer, the photographer, etc. were all just amazing, and they really went out of their way to help me.
As far as spreading the word, I have essentially taken up another full-time job besides teaching: just sitting in front of the computer researching, sending out emails and press kits, and trying to make as much stuff happen online as possible. It's very rewarding getting positive reviews and feedback from people all over the globe. I think I’m finding my niche and I know what makes my music unique, I know what I have to offer, and I try to focus on that. I’m passionate about my music and what I see as my message—hearing conservation. I care about both and I want to work for both.
What’s the story behind the name of the first song on the CD, as well as the record label you created, A-Sharp? In another interview, you mentioned it relating to the constant sound you had to endure after suffering from Tinnitus and Hyperacusis. So, did the rest of the tunes just happen naturally and follow some order, some theme? The song “A-Sharp” was the first one that I wrote after my ear problems started. A Sharp was the main pitch of the ringing. Soon after, I knew that if I were to make an album, it would be the opener. Originally, it had a lyric: “Take away anything, but not what I need/ Steal away this sound/How I need to feel silence surround me: Quiet. …”
That song contains my uncertainty, doubt, and frustration – but also, a sense of hope. The louder strumming section at around the two-minute mark hints at the frustration. Again, when I first envisioned it as a song and not an instrumental piece, that section’s lyric was this: “What I hear is my life.” I saw myself as asking for mercy, asking for help.
The two louder guitar strums at the end were originally also signs of frustration and of trying to communicate. They've since become hopeful in my mind – putting the song to rest, like the final cadence of a symphony. In a way, it's an acceptance of my tinnitus, with the knowledge that I am doing everything I can to help my ears. This has also helped with changing my emotional response to the ringing and sensitivity, and has enabled me to develop a much more positive outlook.
I loved “As You Are,” the second track on the CD. What were you trying to go for instrumentally and evocatively with this song? “As You Are” is a piece that is driven by a strong cello melody. I originally wrote the main theme while coming up with the guitar part and singing whatever came to me in that moment. I then wrote a lyric and originally sang the tune, but then decided to have the cello take the melody for the album. It's a fairly simple melody with a lot of space, so I think it's very effective on cello and carries the chord progression well.
Compared to most of my other compositions, this one is quite standard, except for an interlude section. It basically follows one of the most common song-structures found in popular music: verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus.
The important thing for me in this tune is making sure it breathes in all the right places. I really wanted to make sure to not rush anything and to give each section and transition its proper space. For example, after the first chorus at 1:19 I decided to not start the second verse with the main cello melody right away. Instead, it breathes for a handful of seconds and then a different cello melody comes in, which sets up the accordion drone that enters at 1:29. Also, the interlude section at 2:38 is a very important section. I wanted the space to thin out and create a moment to get lost in, before building back up to the last chorus. If you listen closely at the start of the interlude you can hear an overdub of the accordion bellows breathing and releasing air.
Another place to listen closely—especially with headphones on—is at 3:21; you can hear the cello kind of pass its note on to the accordion from right to left. This was something that I noticed on a live recording we did of the song before we went into the studio, and I really wanted to try and re-create it. Then the accordion gets its 10 seconds of fame before the last chorus – which I build up to by having some cello crescendo overdubs at 3:42.
Do you have any personal favorites from the CD, in terms of composition and performance? Yes. “Life Line” is one of my favorites. I think Katinka and I were the most successful with it in creating the space and atmosphere that I wanted. Naturally, I might add; I didn't want to use any fake reverb or effects on anything, and I wanted to capture as much of the pure acoustic sounds and performances as possible. “Life Line” just ended up having something really special in the overall sound. And it's a piece of music from a son to a mother. I wanted to write a song for my mom and so I did. So that's why it's called “Life Line.”
To create the result that I wanted at 2:07 without using digital effects or reverb, I took two different takes of Katinka's cello part and overlaid them to create a spatial effect that passes from one side of the mix to the other. Before that, at 1:52, I also doubled Katinka's harmonics, from two separate takes, to foreshadow another cello suddenly coming in.
During the bridge of the tune, where Katinka plays an incredible solo (another one of the reasons why it's one of my favorites on the record), I overdubbed several layers of melodic, repetitive guitar patterns to help lift the guitar part up to join with the cello, and also to try and create a wider space for the song to rest.
Another one of my favorites is “Humboldt.” It has a somewhat unusual story behind it, which I will be featuring on my website/blog at some point soon. I wrote the song when I was playing guitar at Humboldt Park in Chicago, by a pond and surrounded by geese that swam up to listen, and then out of nowhere, started fighting. The song also focuses on the extreme contrast between nature and the downtown skyscrapers off in the distance, all underscored with the classical music I was hearing as I walked around with my Neuromonics therapy device, which added to the surreal experience.
I also especially like the way “Unaware” turned out. It was a surprise in a way. I had some trouble getting it to completely make sense. I was actually going to leave it off the record. “Unaware” was another one of my compositions that originally contained a vocal part as the main melody. When I decided I was going to make an instrumental album, I started working with the song in other ways. We tried having the cello take the original vocal melody, but it was just too busy and didn't work. After spending a lot of time listening to it, I realized that it worked nicely without a main melody, and I liked the space and the way it flowed. I put cello back on the melody during the final section of the tune, and it just clicked. That was it. Not having a main melody during the majority of the song and then coming in with a lush melody at the end makes that melody that much more special and the piece more logical. Rob Clearfield’s improvised piano just glued the whole tune together. He's an amazing musician. I also experimented a lot in this tune with overlaying, multiple cello parts.
Here's some interesting feedback about “Unaware” I recently got from someone out in Boston who purchased my CD online: “While listening to ‘Unaware,’ the notion of the algebraic emotions came to mind. I found I didn't know where the sound was going next, but it ended up making sense in the balance.”
Your record label, A-Sharp, isn’t just a vehicle for your own work. It’s also a forum you wish to make available to other hearing-impaired musicians seeking collaboration, support, and a way to educate the public on “hearing conservation.” This connotates a kind of cause-and-effect regarding the hearing problems musicians like you’ve suffered and methods of reducing the likelihood of developing, say, Tinnitus. What’s going on with this? I'm trying to get the word out about “musician’s earplugs.” I think a lot of musicians and music lovers get turned off by earplugs, because they usually end up trying regular foam plugs. They're alright, but it's really difficult to hear clearly because foam earplugs muffle a lot of the high- and mid-frequencies. The great thing about musician’s earplugs is that they filter the frequencies evenly, letting the clarity in the sound remain while protecting ears from harmful sounds. It almost completely retains the natural sound, only turned down a little.
Musician's earplugs are an investment—especially the custom-molded ones—but the bottom line is that once hearing is damaged, that's it. There's no getting it back. It's the best investment any musician or music lover could ever make. (More info at www.relax-your-ears.com/tinnitus).
I am also trying to spread general awareness about tinnitus and hyperacusis. The American Tinnitus Association (ATA) is the leading organization raising awareness and funds for research and I am working with ATA on a number of things, including a video targeted at musicians to create more awareness related to tinnitus and hearing conservation.
What do you have to say to any musicians out there struggling with similar conditions, or really just struggling to be heard in general? How has your own personal experience given you a unique voice as a role model for others? The most important thing is to find the balance between not giving up your passions and protecting your ears, keeping them from getting worse. It can be a delicate and difficult balance, and though it's not necessarily easy, it is possible. I recently got an email from a musician in Mexico who was thinking about stopping music altogether, but then started to realize that a life without music would be worse than any of his ear problems... and that's how I felt, too.
What’s the best thing to come from such a horrible hearing diagnosis (for a musician)? What have you learned? Even though it has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with, my ear problems have opened up many possibilities for me and I have met a lot of great people because of it as well. I also feel like I have found a new purpose and have an opportunity to do something outside of myself by helping others with tinnitus and hyperacusis.
Sometimes, health problems and impairments can make us feel all alone, but we're not; we need to help keep each other positive and stay focused on what is productive for ourselves and each other. One of the ways I plan on doing this is through a tinnitus support group here in Chicago that I'm starting.
What future plans do you have for yourself professionally, any plans to tour or gig, or work on another CD? I plan to continue to play locally here in Chicago and hope to start traveling more. I would definitely like to take my music and message to as many places as possible. An upcoming performance: Friday, June 11, 2010, 8 p.m., at the Old Town School Concert Hall – 4544 N Lincoln Ave., Chicago, IL 60625 – opening for House of Waters (NY). Cost is $18 general public/$16 Old Town School members/$14 seniors and children.
I am currently writing my next album. I've been studying and practicing the hammered dulcimer, which I plan to incorporate into this next record. It's basically like playing the inside of a piano with hand-held mallets. With my background in percussion and my focus on guitar, it's the perfect instrument for me, a combination of marimba, piano, and guitar – I love the different sounds and textures available. I can get sitar and piano-like sounds, as well as steel pan and guitar-like sounds. And the resonance just lasts forever, which is only a bad thing when I hit a wrong note!
I have also been focusing on writing larger string arrangements for multiple cellos, violin, and viola. I hope to have some thicker, more lush strings on this next album and plan on trying my hand at writing a string quartet piece.
My plan is to begin the recording process in the next six months; I have four new guitar pieces pretty much finished and two hammered dulcimer pieces almost finished, so I'm approaching the halfway mark.
I am also currently working on some music for a documentary film by award-winning director Miguel Silveira. It’s called, I Am A Visitor In Your World. (See link under “News” at www.relax-your-ears.com).
It’s been four years since you woke up with ringing in your ears and a painful sensitivity to the most commonplace of sounds. How have you been? I'm doing pretty well, trying to stay as stress-free as possible and trying to ensure that I get the proper amount of sleep – two of the most important things for living with tinnitus and hyperacusis.
I had quite a scare last week. I'm just getting over one of the worst cases of flu I think I've experienced since I was a kid, but luckily, I'm better. This virus turned into a sinus/ear infection, and my right ear was as bad as my ears were four years ago. I woke up one morning last week and the whole right side of my face was completely numb, and I couldn't hear anything out of my right ear, and there was a very muffled, weird pressure kind of sensation. I had flashbacks to four years ago and had no idea that an infection could cause my tinnitus and hyperacusis to get this bad again. Luckily, I was able to see my audiologist and a new ENT right away. It took over a week of steroid/anti-biotic treatment, but everything is now back to normal. Well, at least as normal as my ears are going to get.
Dealing with tinnitus and hyperacusis is an ongoing process – I stay focused on the good days and positive, productive thinking and action. One of the most important things that I've learned to do over the last four years is change my emotional response to the ringing and ear sensitivity by learning to accept it. I don't mean that I have stopped trying to find new therapies or a cure, but rather, I realize that I am doing everything I can for my ears. I live more in the present.
Besides my family, music has always been most important – and I don't plan to ever stop creating music; I just have to be smart about it. I actually think that in the long run, having these ear problems will end up saving a lot of my hearing. If it weren't for my tinnitus and hyperacusis, I'd probably still be playing drums six to seven nights a week and over-exposing my ears to potentially damaging sound.
There's also a delicate balance within all of this. If you have tinnitus accompanied with hyperacusis, you have to make sure and not over-protect your ears as well. Wearing earplugs too much, like when you sleep or around sounds that really can't cause damage, can actually make things worse.
Learning how to deal with tinnitus and hyperacusis is a process. I plan to continue learning and sharing ideas with fellow T/H sufferers, as well as with musicians and music lovers who are potentially at-risk. As I mentioned before, I am starting up a Chicago tinnitus support group and my own tinnitus/hyperacusis newsletter, which anyone can sign up for on my website.
For others not in Chicago interested in joining or starting a local support group, find more “how to” information on the American Tinnitus Association website.
Finally, remember to relax your ears. And protect them.
Comments