The 85th Academy Awards: presented in Dolby! (Photos)

Well pumpkins, the deal went down in Los Angeles last night. By now we've all kissed and made up, wept over the decisions made by the hags at AMPAS (or, in some cases, went "Yippee") and are allowing the dust to finally settle.

Now I have to own up to the remarks which I made back on January 13. I'm certain all of you have your copies of that particular little column and are ready to play America's favorite game: Match Wits with Uncle Mikey! Brought to you by Proctor & Gamble.

(Guests to Match Wits with Uncle Mikey! stay at the classic Essex House.)

(I've always wanted to say that.)

Anyway . . . first off, color your Unkster pleasantly amazed to see "Argo" cop the Best Picture award. Not bad for a film I gave the Dark Horse slot to. And wow: I actually managed to call it on Chris Terrio getting the Best Writing - Adapted Screenplay award. Considering my past rep at predicting this sort of thing that's the equivalent to me batting them out of the park!

But notice how "Argo" didn't grab too much else beyond that. If I was given to believing in Byzantine behind-the-scenes conspiracy theories . . . which I am actually . . . I'd actually entertain the possibility that "Argo" was awarded Best Picture on the following basis:

"Amour": Foriegn film.

"Beasts of the Southern Wild": too artsy.

"Django Unchained": too outside.

"Les Miserables": musical.

"Life of Pi": we already gave Lee a Best Picture Oscar.

"Lincoln": Spielberg.

"Silver Lining Playbook": we'll wait and see what Uncle Mikey says.

"Zero Dark Thirty": too political.

But in retrospect (the ethical coward's most reliable tool), process of elimination makes "Argo" the safest choice. A pity about Ben Affleck not being considered for Best Director (I have this thing about believing a film good enough to win Best Picture should carry with it an automatic Best Director nod). Not that I'm totally unhappy about Ang Lee getting Best Director for "Life of Pi" (but, once again, how can you be considered Best Director if your film didn't get Best Picture? Or am I the only one who's weirded out by this?).

Acting Awards --- The Bad News: Sally Field didn't get Best Supporting Actress for "Lincoln".

(Question; will she eventually be less miserable about it?)

(Oh right, like you people weren't expecting that.)

The Good News: Christoph Waltz did get the Best Supporting Actor award for "Django Unchained". Best News (for me anyway) Coming Out of the 85th. And, while we're on the subject of "Django Unchained", I've never been happier to be proven wrong than with Tarentino getting the "Best Writing - Original Screenplay award (although I'm personally surprised to see that John Gatins didn't get it for "Flight". This is why I don't go to Vegas and gamble, pumpkins).

Let's see . . .

"Les Miserables" actually did better than I thought it would, which means I'll have to give the film a try. I'm sad (although hardly surprised) that Anderson's "Moonrise Kingdom" did bupkus in terms of awards. As expected, a lot of my favorite films ended up gasping for air beside the broken goldfish bowl . . . but with Christoph Waltz hugging a gold statuette as he sleeps at night can I really complain? Heck no. With that, Tarentino copping a screenplay Oscar and "Argo" getting Best Picture, I'll consider myself ahead of the curve.

And there we are, kids. How did your scores turn out?

And see you again next year.

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, Charleston Movie Examiner

Michael Wolff is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in publications as varied as Starlog magazine and Action Comics. He occasionally plays well with others and may be reached at michaeljwolff@comcast.net.

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