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The 2014 Family Resolution

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The New Year can be about many resolutions, but a popular one always rings true and loud- the family resolution. The family resolution is about making and sticking to a decision to be together come hell and water. Nothing and no one is as frustrating as a family member, or a close friend, or a partner. As much love-sharing that goes on, the closer someone is to you the more they seem to pick on everything you do. You literally have to fight for acceptance if they don’t approve of something or someone in your life. So it is with great difficulty that this relationship among family members works. There is a lot of give-and-take involved. Everyone can do his very best and still there might be lingering unresolved issues. Here are a few pointers to help deal with one’s family- that is of course if anyone wants a relationship with their family.

Forget about being right…

A great relationship is never about who is right; and if being right gets in the way of the relationship, then be wrong. Shockingly, you don’t gain anything anyway by doing the “right” thing. This is always very subjective. You might be right in your own eyes and a few others’ but the other person might not think so.

It’s never about you…

The relationship, shockingly, should not be about you. Even though this is a two-way street, but if you are reading this, think internally. It’s not about you. It’s always about the other person. This is not to say that whenever your family needs you, drop everything and go; that if they want something from you, you have to do it. No. This is to say that the bottom-line is the relationship. So, in that sense, it’s not about you.

Forgive… Really

When you talk about or blame someone for what they did- or you think they did- to you, rest assured that you have not forgiven them- not really. When you forgive, contrary to modern advice, you also make the decision to forget. Granted to say that you never really forget, but this forgetfulness is different. You choose to forget, let go, leave behind… whatever. You don’t get excited when the other person is in trouble, or sick, or dying. You feel remorse, compassion, and love. So please don’t fool yourself. Unless you’ve really forgiven, you haven’t forgiven at all.

End the pity party…

Sometimes we exaggerate the truth or make up another truth just to feel justified in our actions or inactions. With family, the same dynamic applies. Always be truthful to yourself. A pity party does not help better the situation. The more honest a person is, the better he/she can cope with the situation. “The truth shall set you free” is not a saying for you to use to expose others’ lies. It is an inward attitude that you carry with you and you never talk about it. If you do, then it loses its mph.

Tear down or build up…

You don’t want to say negative things about your family or bring them down. It’s not about making your family look better than they really are in front of others, it’s about yourself, really. The way you talk about your family lets others know more about you. The more you talk bad about them, the more others see you as negative, whiny, and quite honestly, annoying. Saying the truth is quite different than exposing your family or portraying them in a negative light. In the end, you’re only hurting yourself this way.


There is nothing wrong with having a fight with your family as long you didn’t plan it. If you approach every situation with a negative attitude, then you will probably be battling your whole life. If you happen to fight, then don’t wait for the other person to come forward. Let go of pride, and be the first to say “sorry.” Never ever expect others to apologize to you. Always expect the best from every situation and more importantly, yourself.

Mutual Understanding…

To be mutually understanding does not mean that you go around asking people to be remorseful for whatever it was they did or did not do against you. It means that you do your part best and let the other person do theirs their own way. If you expect something your own way, then you will miss on the other person’s deeds. Everything they do for you will go way over your head. You will be so blinded that you won’t see it if it was right in front of you. Be open and let others be themselves.

Stop the sarcasm…

Some people get to say what they want to say by using sarcasm or belittling another or teasing them. This is funny as long as it’s once or twice, and as long as the other person can do it to you or whoever you care about. But it’s best to stay away from this approach in conversation. You don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. You should always be truthful, but also don’t overdo it. Speak the truth in love.

Advise only when asked to do so…

If it’s not your kid, or if it’s not your business, don’t make it yours. When it comes to family, it seems as though there is a God-given right to make everything your business, but steer clear unless invited in. But if the other person keeps bringing up something, then you have a clear invitation and now are free to chime in. However, use wisdom and try not to destroy a relationship via so-called mending it. When you offer advice without the invitation, you are acting like a fool. If no one asked, no one wants the advice. So just shut up.

Own the responsibility…

Please stop blaming a supernatural being for your own natural motives. No one sees the supernatural but they do see you. Let your actions speak for themselves- not your words and definitely not your supernatural buddy. Whatever inspirations, dreams, visions, and supernatural activities happen in your life, keep them to yourself unless the other person asks to know more. These things only make you look bad because it shows irresponsibility for your own deeds. It looks as though you always have someone or something else to blame for the good or bad in you.

You’re stuck with them…

Whether good or bad, this is the family you came with. If they took care of you and were there for you, they will do it again if you’re really in trouble. You cannot put anyone in a box and label them, and so the same is true when it comes to family members. Accept them as they are, understand one another, and let those expectations go. Love them with all your heart and please don’t talk about it. Show your love by doing whatever you can. If you can only call them up and ask how they are, that would be plenty. If you can visit them or talk well about them, then do it. If you can take care of them partially if not wholly, then do it. Do your part and don’t expect anything. This is love.

All in all it’s about love. Love brings a world together, ends wars, and makes everyday a holiday. Love allows pride to fall apart, ego to take a long vacation, and self-righteousness to vanish. As you read this, think internally and stop thinking about the other person needing to do all this. I’m talking to you, not to the one in your head you’re thinking about that supposedly needs this more than you. Take these words in as true and start to see a change in you and in those around you. The more love you give, the more love you will know. It’s the only thing that you can never out-give and the only remedy for a broken heart. Love recklessly, even to the point of death. And in this way let the New Year bring you many blessings- not by sitting idly by, but by actively loving. Happy New Year.



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