It is easy to feel the need to help others meet the goals of their resolution. Let them be. Moreover, if they ask for your help, provide as little as possible. You have your own resolutions to achieve. There is something you want to do better and can.
Why should you leave friends or loved one on their own without your guidance? If they truly desire to commit to meeting their goal, they will achieve it without your assistance. What they need from you is mild encouragement and applause as progress happens.
The resolution may be one of obligation. When that happens, the resolution will never be accomplished and resentment will set in. You, being the closest target for that resentment and anger, will become the punching bag. The relationship becomes strained.
It is not the resolution they want to accomplish; it is the guilt about not wanting to tackle it that they want to relinquish. Unable to relinquish the guilt, anger raises its dagger to attack. Your urgings, which you consider support, just build upon that guilt, creating an in-your-face reminder. This becomes a no win situation for the person who cannot get rid of the guilt and predicts eminent failure at meeting the goal of the resolution. There may be someone they also dread disappointing, which may be you.
Encourage your friend or loved one to pick a resolution just for them, something they want to accomplish. It could be a running a marathon, completing a craft project, taking a belly dance class, reading a book, etc. but let them choose. Resolutions should not be painful.
Comments