Your girlfriend is mine.
It used to be hard to get a date in high school. Now, thanks to Twilight, it's got to be damn near impossible. What Mr. Darcy did for husbands, Edward Cullen is doing for boyfriends, and another generation of women is losing interest in the happy jocks while musing over the dark-haired, troubled guy with all that anguish in his eyes.
Edward Cullen is the fictional teen vampire / Byronic anti-hero in Twilight that seduces awkward, brainy heroine Bella Swan. The characters in the book bump around school and rainy Washington, being moody and misunderstanding each other, as Bella and Edward fall in love. Then there are mean vampires, and then more love.
So what makes Edward the Vampire Fantasy Boyfriend such a PR problem for real life teens who just want to get a date to take to dinner and hang out with at the prom? What do the girls see in those black gold eyes?
10. The reason Edward rejects you initially is because he loves you *too much*.
9. Edward has super powers like running superfast and walking up trees, which he can perform while carrying you, making you feel very small and thin.
8. He's strong as an ox but physically effeminate and beautiful, looks great in a full face of makeup.
7. He can save you from speeding SUVs and vampires and thugs without sweating. If a real boy saved you from a thug he'd probably rehash the whole event in front of his friends forty times, but Edward just wanders off.
6. When he's being cryptic, and you push him to explain himself, it just makes him like you *even more.* Real boys tend to have to get off the phone when this happens.
5. When he's moody, it's because he wants to eat people, not because he's about to break up with you.
4. He can read everyone else's mind, but yours is a total mystery.
3. At the beach, his skin turns into diamonds. Real boys turn red and blotchy.
2. He's immortal. Real boys can be killed by almost anything.
And the number one reason that Edward Cullen has ruined things for average teenage boys:
1. He is overcome with deep, torturous lust for you, but he can never, never act on it, or you will die.
Edward Cullen is the safe boyfriend. He will never make you actually take your pants off, but he will constantly reassure you that he only wants to ravage you.
What does this mean? Teenage girls don't actually want to be ravaged. They want to be desired but not deflowered, that they want to be constantly, urgently threatened with intercourse, but never have to experience it. Edward will never, ever satisfy himself with Bella, because doing so would kill her. Let me make you a metaphor map: Loss of virginity = death. Edward = impotent. Therefore the perfect teen boyfriend.
So what's a regular guy to do, in the face of this kind of competition? Now that the movie's out, even the illiterate girls have Edward as a measuring stick for male perfection.
Next time, I'll give you ten ways that regular, average boys can compete with Edward Cullen, using sneaky tactics and clever ploys instead of actual vampirism.
Comments
Next time, I'll give you ten ways that regular, average boys can compete with Edward Cullen, using sneaky tactics and clever ploys instead of actual vampirism.
o, so us girls r ruining everything by likeing Twilight? No, guys r just too chicken to ask us out, ive never had a guy ask me out, ive asked them out! and apperently this is everyone buissness wat we think about Twilight. I realize thet Edward is fake, infact, most ppl do, but that doant mean we cant set our expectations for the male species off of some of his charecteristics. Id also like to know, y, in this article, it sounds like we're ruining everything by reading Twilight.
Interesting, but..! U have to read ALL the books. Especially about that 1st. That's all I'm saying. Lol. Now real boys will have much worse problems, as u'll see.
I so agree with this !! LMAO..
I so agree with you ..
hahaha LMAO..
I love you. I really do. You are my new hero.
Indeed, how can real guys even hope to compete? LOL at numbers 10, 9, 7 and 6 and the caption is priceless. Thank you.
Sorry but Edward and Bella do it and she doesn't die. You need to read all the books.2sn
Riiight, moody, distant, impotent, stalkers are the hotness.
When I was Bella's age I wanted to have sex, and I did, with the very nice, normal, well-adjusted boy that I dated for 2 years. We used a condom, everyone grew up and went off to college and moved on and no one died.
Likening male sexuality to the predatory nature of vampirism and implying that women are always the victims of sexuality instead of willing participants capable of enjoying it is offensive to pretty much everyone. If this is the view of sexuality that modern teens are getting, I feel sorry for them.
howmany books are they
Ok..i understand that Twilight puts us girls having expectations that are not real...but the reason we like Edward (speaking for myself, I can't read others girl's minds)I think it's because, well their love is beautiful, He can't read her mind and he doesn't need that to understand her, he protects her with all his strenght and every girl likes to feel protected, he is constatly in pain by the desire he has for her blood but still he rathers being in pain then being without her, also like many people said read the rest of the books for that last detail!...It's eternal love, it's all girl's dream...And honestly all boys have to do to be as good as Edward is : Love. Tha'ts all he does, on his way, we don't want a superpower vampire, we want love... but that's me!
twilight is to girls as porn is to boys. it's just a fantasy that doesn't translate ot real life. we know that. quit taking it so seriously.
LOL, this is hysterical! And I'm a huge Twilight fan. FYI, the author is Stephenie w/ all e's, no a (see your link to her site)
I DONT THINK IT DID,,
Just believe. Fairytales do come true and why try to destroy a beauty all desire. All should love this deeply, feel this good, and know you will enjoy it this intense. All have a perfect match that will and can make you feel this good. There is no limit. All is possible. Just dont jump too soon. Live in the moment. It is all you can do. Live a life of passion.
Gee whiz! The article is hilarious. They eventually make love... Don't you guys read? It was such an easy read that I had to buy several copies to have enough on hand for all the girls and their boyfriends (who liked to talk to them about it)in my junior high classroom to read it. P.S. My husband kicks Edward's ass any time.
for a start i think u should at least read the books before publishing something like this as a few of ur arguments are eventually proven wrong.
and i think mostly y girls are so obsessed by the Edward Cullen character is not because they dont want to have sex but because of the characters personality. how many guys do u no who are as old fashioned as he is??
EDWARD CULLEN IS BEAUTIFUL.
Edward Cullen doesnt HAVE a personality. And i have read all four books. And it was an insult to any and all feminists.
Response to sarah's comment on July 13:
Yes, Edward is very old fashioned. How lovely? Could it be because he was born in 1901? Possibly. So go ahead sarah and find yourself a 108 year-old man. Maybe you too could find happiness.
Meh, I don't think Edward Cullen has ruined a whole bunch of girls, just the idiotic few (i.e. Nuttymadam or whatever the heck her name's from on Youtube). I hate Twilight. I think it sucks (and I read up until *spoiler* Bella turned into a vampire), but whatever.
But it's also on the boys, too! Grow some balls, guys! Ask us out!
criusly...i'm a grl AND I THINK EDWARD SUXX ! INFACT I HATE THE WHOLE TWILIGHT SAGA...! well the 1st buk wasnt bad, but as u went on n on n on..BOUT ROMANCE [which is absolutely BORINN] ughh i cudnt stand it no more...! n once again EDWARD SUX !
The author ought to have read ALL the books. Edward marries Bella, they do have sex, and she gets pregnant. Since the article is based off a fallacy, it renders the whole rather pointless, sadly.
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