There are no guidelines to help parents move smoothly into the role of grandparents. It requires major adjustments on both generations that neither anticipated. As grandparents, advice comes easily, perhaps too easily to suit our grown children. Sometimes suggestions come across as criticism even when that was never the intent. It’s just that grandparents have already been through the process of raising a child, right?
In defense of the new parents, they want to raise their children their way. Besides, some of the rules have changed since they were our babies, like babies can’t have water until after they are a year old. Only introduce one new food per week to be sure the little one has no allergic reactions. Who knew?
To help make the transition a little easier, be sure to give the parents of your grandchild(ren) lots of positive reinforcement. After all, they are likely putting enough pressure on themselves to be the “perfect” parents.
Barbara Graham, a Grandparents.com columnist, and the editor of the anthology Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother suggests ten things to say to our adult children to show our support:
- I respect how you’re raising your kids. I realize things are different now due to the economy and all the pressures you are under. How about stop teasing me because I can’t collapse the stroller or figure out all the straps to the car seat?
- Please, let me do the dishes! Or the laundry. Make dinner. Babysit and give the two of you a night out. I’m here to help.
- Don’t worry; you’re wonderful parents. Stop trying to be the perfect parent – no one can live up to that. Who cares if your child ate jelly beans for breakfast? You should have heard my mom when I let you eat a cupcake for breakfast. Stuff happens.
- Your children are wonderful. All kids go through difficult times. You defined the terrible twos and you turned out okay!
- I’m here if you need me. I’ll try not to offer advice unless you ask. I realize you’ve read all the latest information about children the age of yours and that things are different today than they were when I was raising you.
- All parents feel insecure sometimes. This is especially true with the first child. Parenting is definitely an on-the-job training situation but the bottom line is this – you know your child better than anyone else does.
- I promise to follow your rules. Just remember I’m not perfect. I will not feed your child anything you don’t want her to have; will limit treats; will follow your schedule as much as is humanly possible.
- I support your decisions. You are an intelligent, responsible adult who thinks things through carefully before you act. I know you will ask for my opinion if you want it. (Repeat this as often as possible)
- It’s a privilege and an honor to be allowed to spend time with your children because I know you only want the very best for them and trust me to do the same. Thank you for placing your trust and faith in me.
- I know I’m no longer the boss. It is also on-the-job training for me to become a good grandparent. I am doing my best to support you as well as to love your children. Please forgive my mistakes.
Enjoy your role as a grandparent. There is absolutely nothing else like it.
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