In your relationship with your teenager, it is important to model healthy conflict resolution skills.
Have you noticed how passionate an adolescent can get when expressing their opinion? It can be really frustrating for them when they don’t feel heard. Even within families who get along well most of the time, there can be occasional disagreements.
Helpful Guidelines:
First, it is essential to really listen while they are talking, instead of formulating your response in your head. Secondly, try to stick to topic you are discussing and not jump around by bringing up past hurts or misunderstandings.
The foundation of any respectful argument involves avoiding: raising your voice, swearing, name calling, or pointing your finger in their face. You never want to use threats or taunts, which will only escalate the tension between you. A healthy relationship is based on honesty and trust, so you also don’t want to exaggerate to make a point.
Creating a Safety Phrase or Gesture
You should never be placed in a position where you fear an argument could get physical. Laying a hand on anyone in anger is not OK. Therefore, it is wise to agree upon a safety phrase or gesture that indicates it might be helpful to take a “time out” from an argument which has gotten too heated.
Be Willing to Apologize
You become a role model for your teen by demonstrating that you are willing to apologize when you realize you are wrong. These recommendations will obviously work best if you and your child can both agree to use them. Remember, you are teaching your teen that it’s easier to hear and be heard when their opinion is expressed thoughtfully and respectfully.
Yes, it is possible for you to express your feelings without alienating your teen! The goal is to model to your child that it’s OK to agree to disagree … that they might be able to use those skills in their own lives.
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