Team Edward and Team Jacob unite for one-night vigil!

AP Photo/Matt Sayles

     In honor of the latest installment in the Twilight Saga, “Eclipse,” Twihards (Twilight superfans) from all corners of the city underwent the pilgrimage to the South Lamar Alamo Drafthouse for a Twilight triple feature, culminating in a midnight screening of the new release. Members from both Team Edward (bats) and Team Jacob (puppies) stood shoulder to shoulder, adorned in their favorite merchandise and homemade regalia, respecting a truce that had been enacted solely for the purpose of last night’s super-sized, superhuman screening.
 

     So it seems that this Twilight phenomenon is here to stay, fueled by the repeat patronage of excited girls ranging in age from 1 to 92. On the bright side, at least these films give estranged mothers and daughters an opportunity to heal old wounds over popcorn while lusting after these cuddly, pretty-boy “monsters.”
 

     Do you remember when monsters used to be, oh, what’s the word…SCARY? Bram Stoker’s Dracula depicted a vampire for what it is: a blood-sucking devourer of humans! There was nothing cute about that Dracula, and after the movie ended you didn’t feel like cuddling for warm-fuzzies, but rather, because you were afraid to be left alone. You even employed the buddy system for bathroom breaks. Then vampires became sexy when folks like Brad Pitt and Kate Beckinsale donned fangs. Fine. No problem there, you can be a sexy vampire and still be ruthless monster—in fact, it probably makes getting your midnight snack easier. What doesn’t make sense is that the next step in the evolution of these supernatural beasts involves puberty and high school melodrama. See the disconnect? There’s probably underground, self-help literature out there for vampires and werewolves struggling with their identities: From Ahh! To Aww: The Plight of Creatures of Darkness in the 21st Century.
 

     Austin doesn’t have too much in common with the rest of the nation, but if the turnout and commitment of local Twihards are an accurate reflection of the group at large, then it’s safe to assume that glittering, man-boy vampires will continue to battle well-groomed furballs on the silver screen for the foreseeable future. As for the rest of us, we can only hope that one day soon Wesley Snipes will get ticked off enough to kill them all. Chuck Norris can help, too.