Teaching, coaching sports, playing with children with autism: rewarding, but also a whole lot of fun

Sometimes people have preconceived perceptions about what it is like to work with children with autism. I work with kids with autism to improve their skills in academics, social skills, and sports and exercise. Teaching kids with autism is not without challenges, but if I had to describe what it is like in one word, “fun” is the word is would choose. The reactions I get from people after they find out what I do are often very positive. But sometimes the reactions come with an asterisk.

One of the typical responses I hear is, “Oh, that must be so hard.”

The comment seems fine on paper, but this is frequently said with an expression that can only be described as a combination of pain, unease, and pity for the children.

When people have this reaction, they seem to be saying, “Wow, I would never be able to do that, and I would never want to do that. How hard and boring.” Their body language gives away the fact that the last thing they would want to do is work with kids on the autism spectrum. I try to explain that it is challenging sometimes but there’s nothing in life that’s always easy, and most of the time, working with these kids is a whole lot of fun.

Children with autism are like neurotypical kids except that they have different skills and abilities. They are just more extreme. To put it simply, if you don’t like children with autism, then you don’t like children. So I’m surprised at the number of people who don’t like children.

People who work as lawyers, pharmaceutical sales representatives, or consultants usually garner more respect, but those jobs would be tedious and boring to me. While people in those professions may be methodically checking off their to do lists and watching the clock, I’m in the flow and time is flying. 

How could you not enjoy reading books with children, running play dates, taking kids swimming, sledding or jumping on a trampoline, coaching them in soccer, and using puppets to make them laugh? How could you not like answering their questions about how the world works? How could you not get a tremendous amount of authentic happiness from teaching a child to multiply, divide, and do word problems when at one point he couldn’t add two plus two?

It's not only satisfying to see kids making progress, but helping them be happy and have fun is enjoyable in itself. 

I don’t mean to imply that people who work in traditional careers who place a very high value on their jobs aren’t good with children. You don’t have to be a teacher, a pediatric nurse, or a volunteer to be good with kids. People need to make money, and careers are important. But if you think that your career is more important than anything else, and you don’t value the idea of having any experience with kids, that’s a bit extreme.

There is also an attitude that people have about children and adults with disabilities that they are to be pitied. While this may be a normal initial reaction, once you get over it, you have to realize that life goes on. You can’t feel sorry for the kids because if you do then you’ll spoil them, fail to hold them to a high standard, and let them get away with just about anything.

Another common reaction goes something like this: “What you do must be really…rewarding.”

Though that statement seems nice, the word “rewarding” is always said with sort of a dry, academic feel to it. It doesn’t fully describe the enjoyment that goes along with teaching and coaching kids.

While usually well intentioned, people say this in a hushed tone, and look at you as if you are from another planet, as if to say, “How could someone want to do something like that?” I usually follow this one up with, “Yes, but it’s also a lot of fun.” One time, I actually had someone reply back to me, “No, you mean rewarding, but not fun.” I responded back, “No, I mean fun.”

The tone with which they say, “That must be rewarding,” again, seems to imply that they just don't get that it's more than that.  “Rewarding” happens when you help a charity when you don’t really want to, but you make a sacrifice in order to achieve some good. What I’m doing isn’t unselfish – it’s selfish in a way – because what I do is highly enjoyable.

Another common reaction is, “Oh, you’re a do-gooder.” Usually implied but not said, recently someone I met said that exact sentence to me, in a somewhat condescending tone. The implication seemed to be, “Oh, you’re a goody two-shoes. I like to party and have fun.” Partying is fun. But you can only do so much of that. It gets old after a while.

Being on a date when things are going well is also fun. Playing sports is fun. Catching a touchdown pass in a football game, hitting a backhand winner in tennis, or scoring a goal in soccer are all fun. So is seeing your favorite team win a big game. Going to a great concert is fun. Traveling to new places is fun. Being at a party when things are rolling is fun. Seeing a good movie is fun.

And teaching kids is also fun. If you can’t appreciate teaching a child to read, converse, do math, play sports for the first time, develop a sense of humor, manage emotions and make progress in all these areas, all the while improving behaviors, then I feel sorry for you. If you think that working with the greatest kids in the world isn’t fun, then what kind of a parent will you be? These kids are miracles and miracles are happening, although sometimes slowly.

It’s like trying to explain music to someone who doesn’t get it. If you like Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” the Eagles’ “Hotel California,” or any number of inspiring songs, and you try to explain that to someone and they don’t get it, then, well, they just don’t get it. So if you don’t like kids, then you don’t like kids. Just admit it.

Of course, many people say these things with the best of intentions and really do admire this type of work, but many people, even women (which is ironic because they are better with kids than men are) have a higher regard for people who work in more traditional roles such as lawyers or salesmen. I’m not looking for admiration – I just don’t want someone to look at what I do as a negative. You don’t have to love my job, but don’t hate it.

The point is that this work is not only rewarding, but it is also fun. It's fun for the kids, and also for the teachers and therapists who work with them.  In his book Authentic Happiness, psychologist Martin Seligman says that using your strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness is great. Doing all of that while you’re having fun is the best of both worlds. Doing things that are both kind and fun results in a whole lot more happiness and satisfaction than doing activities that are only kind, or those that are only fun.

Or you can sit in your office and do neither.

Feel free to post comments at the bottom of this article.

To subscribe to Mike's articles free of charge, click on the "subscribe" button at the top of this page.