If a movie were made out of the trial currently under way in a Tampa courtroom it should be titled: "Everything you always wanted to know about lawyers but were afraid to ask."
The trial involves a Tampa shock jock (that's radio speak for ratings uber alles) Bubba the Love Sponge who is accused of defaming another shock jock MJ Schnitt -and his wife - on the air.
Somehow, the radio war which went on between these two radio personalities ended up in a courtroom with a witness list which included the State Attorney, Mark Ober and Hulk Hogan, and, it is rumored, Darth Vader and Dick Cheney.
And things took a dark turn on Wednesday of the past week when the proceedings were moved to a popular bar and restaurant which we will not name for fear of increasing the number of people who want their name in the papers (Malio's).
What happened there -and afterward- sounds like a treatment for a movie, or a book, or a reality show.
Or another law suit or criminal charges or the ruination of a couple of attorneys and one para-legal.
Seems that a para-legal who works for the law firm representing the Love Sponge-described as a raven haired beauty - was either sent to the place to ambush the attorney who represents the plaintiff in the case, or took it upon herself to earn some extra points with her boss -or extort him.
She gave a false name to the attorney after sidling up to him in the bar, then proceeded to ply him and his attorney friends with drink, then asked the unfortunate fellow who is representing MJ Schnitt to MOVE HER CAR FOR HER.
Ok. if you are still there or have fallen off your chair laughing, we will continue anyway.
So. Another attorney present in the un-named bar and who works for the Love Sponges lawyer, called aTampa Police Sergeant who is his good friend and said the unfortunate attorney was about to be a DUI.
Chief Jane Castor, are you listening?
The police waited. the attorney who refused a breathing test -he probably had a small heart attack-, was arrested, and LEFT HIS BRIEFCASE IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE PARALEGAL'S CAR.
The briefcase was returned to the unfortunate attorney's briefcase after a series of phone calls, and a cab ride and other attempts to conceal who had possession of that briefcase over those hours most likely to avoid criminal prosecution as such an act is against the law.
Anyhoo, the unfortunate attorney bailed out, took the day off, and went into court on Friday and asked for a mistrial.
The para-legal took the fifth.
Everybody in the courtroom was smirking or outright guffawing or tweeting.
The judge is taking the weekend to think it over and probably figure out how to angle this into his own courtoom show.
We are not making this up.
We have not mentioned too many names here for fear of being sued by any - or all - of them and somehow getting a DUI.
Stay tuned until Monday when the judge may or may not declare a mistrial, or simply say, "Off with their heads."
How 'bout a lawyer joke while we're waiting.
Q. What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.