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Tampa Bay Times columnist hears Marco Rubio during hallucination

Marco Rubio; potential Republican candidate for U.S. President.
Photo by Scott Eisen/Getty Images

The stable of erudite Democrats who seemingly make up the entire staff of Tampa Bay Times columnists and political pundits are fuming because Marco Rubio is considering a run for the presidency. One is seeing Marco Rubio in mirrors.

Daniel Ruth, the Arianne Huffington of Times’ columnists, shared a personal hallucination in Wednesday's column in which he envisioned the young Republican Senator as a “plebe...who looked in the mirror and saw a tall redwood tree staring back at him."

Ruth’s taunting delusion, perhaps triggered by a flashback from youthful indiscretions, upset the partisan scribe so much he resorted to calling Rubio “Eddie Haskell of the Potomac.”

Actually, the tag was clever considering it came from The Beaver of Tampa Bay’s newspaper pundits. If seeing Rubio as a redwood tree in a mirror wasn’t traumatic enough, Ruth, who has the political equilibrium of Don Quixote texting and driving, was particularly taken aback after watching Rubio assure ABC’s Jonathan Karl that he is ready to be president during a television interview.

The show caused Ruth, the leaning Tower of Politics, to suggest the minimum requirements for the job (of president) may be somewhere below being a Lotto ticket pencil sharpener if the Republican Senator is eligible.

An avid Obama fan who likely voted for every Democrat since mainstream media birthed Camelot, Ruth may have a point about Rubio’s level of self-confidence. However, lotto pencil sharpeners notwithstanding, The Beaver’s latest partisan rant reeks of severe CranialDemoritis, a partisan epidemic at the Times.

Ruth’s CranialDemoritis seems to have affected his memory since much of the demagoguery in Wednesday’s column centers around Sen. Rubio’s lack of experience. In reality, Rubio has held public office for 14 years including the last four years as a U.S. Senator.

If Ruth thinks Rubio is unqualified to run for president, why did he spent so much time coddling Mr. Obama who had virtually no experience? It’s a rhetorical question the answer to which cannot be found in any of Ruth’s hallucinogenic political dissertations.

At one point in yesterday’s column, Ruth pretends that he is Rubio considering potential rivals for the GOP presidential nomination. Ruth imagines Rubio imagining “fellow tea party guys” like: Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Sen. Rick Santorum.

Suddenly, Ruth hears a voice. It’s Rubio, who says: “Hey, compared to those guys, I come off like Abraham Lincoln, only shorter and without the beard."

In his regular partisan columns Ruth dutifully re-scribes his well-worn tirades against whatever Republican is running for whatever office. In yesterday's scribble, all but one description was fantasy: Marco Rubio is a confident, clean-shaven Republican with great hair and far more experience than Democrat Barack Obama had when he was elected President.

Ruth did get one other thing right, so give the Devil his dues - Rubio is not very tall, and that's his fault.

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