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Talking Snake Syndrome

Richard Dawkins
Richard DawkinsPublic Domain/Wikimedia Commons

The Scientific Method: Here are the facts. What conclusions can we draw from them? The Creationist Method: Here is the conclusion. What facts can we find to support it? Science and Religion are two distinct, separate institutions of Philosophy and Thought.

Christian fundamentalists claim that the Bible is a literal, rather than allegorical, factual book, aligned with the standard tenets of Science. Such ridiculous claims can be gleaned from lunatics, such as Ray Comfort, Kent Hovind, Ben Expelled Stein, and Ken Ham (of Answers in Genesis), who interpret Science to fit into their narrow, biblical worldview.

Enlightened fact of the Holy Babble: The Talking Snake. This slithery creature is the subject of vehemence in many a culture, thanks in no part to the fact that a good portion of snake species are poisonous (Even the non-venomous kinds, such as the anaconda and the python, can devour and swallow a small child), and the slithery, creepy nature of their legless, slender bodies.

In the Book of Genesis, the Bible describes the beginnings of Creation, a supposedly perfect utopia which was supposedly created in 6 days (144 hours). Amidst the grandeur and splendid myriad of God’s wondrous Creation, the asinine Creator did let loose the one creature that was to foil all of his painstaking work: The Crafty, Wily Talking Snake! Genesis chapter 3 describes the biblical events.

How preposterous and pernicious a creature, this talking snake! To think that the charming creature (The talking snake would, if it was alive today, charm the pants out of our modern day snake charmers) had the temerity to tempt the very first two humans, God’s very own image, on this lonely planet!

As the Cosmic super godfather, Yahweh couldn’t let this dastardly Creature go unpunished: Along with Adam and Eve, who were banished from Paradise (Eve got a worst deal for her role as temptress; she was made to suffer the pain of child birth, and most importantly, sow the first seeds of misogyny which would plague womankind for posterity), the snake became the first, ignominious creature to suffer the wrath of the deity. Genesis chapter 3:14 describes the extent of this divine punishment – So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.

Ah, the snake now crawls on its belly. Now this would seem to suggest that the original talking snake could walk (or maybe fly)! A walking, talking snake in Paradise! Indeed, the irony of this so-called perfect utopia was destroyed by the mere presence of a creature, which really gives us a glimpse of the fallacious idea of an omnipotent, omni-benevolent deity. If anything else, this dreary episode speaks of incompetence on the part of God. Not to mention the ludicrous idea of a walking, talking snake.

If snakes could talk, we’d be having mass debates with these beasts. The snakes could become hucksters and charlatans in the Benny Hinn mold! Pentecostal Christians play with venomous snakes in church. “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out,” said Richard Dawkins. “The banana is the Atheists worst nightmare,” said Ray Comfort.