~Written by Che’ri Humphrey, MSED July 13, 2011
Fndr/President of Diamonds In The Rough…Finding The Spirit In Me!
Producer of A Star Is Born Talents Events, & “Talk 2 Me!” Productions
Article on gospel poetry event, “McCafe Poetry Lounge’” in the Bronx, NY on 7/6/11 hosted by 98.7 Kiss FM’s Shaila……
“Green Eyes”
I thought you had brown eyes
But then again I should’ve known
By your presence and your tone
How yo’ shoulders tightened and yo’ mouth clinched!
When you tried to crack a smile
And all the while your eyes were green,
But I thought you were my friend
I prayed going over the responses, again & again
You held my hand when I cried
Standing by my side you CONGRATULATED my achievements
But bereavement set in,
‘cuz it made you think about the goals you’d failed in
And your love was devoured by hatred
And ‘uh how you talked bad about me to your other friends
And’uh-how CRAZY I was for thinkin’ I’d be somebody
And’uh-LAYING OUT MY DIRTY LAUNDRY
AND’UH-THAT’S WHY YOU STOPPED CALLIN’ ME
And’uh-I know she’s my girl, but who does she think she is
Was the popular question in demand?
And in your hand was a pocket knife that you hid
And I WISH I hadn’t told you my secrets, my inner feelings
After I found out you had green eyes,
And I thought they were brown all this time
Using sly devilish remarks to tear away at my strength!
And slice up the joy JESUS HAS PLACED IN MY HEART!!!
AND I ASK MYSELF, WHY?
BUT MY FATHER SAYS FORGIVE,
AND KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE
And I’m blessing you and I will exalt you in due season, due time
And’uh pray for them because I’m preparing a table
And you’re able to turn the other cheek
Love them with a long hand
Keep relationships short and sweet
Remember be meek and lowly just like me
I showed you who your real friend was before you discovered her eyes were green
Instead of focusing on the gossip and things people have done to you that was selfish and MEAN
FOCUS ON ME!
I’m your TRUEST friend indeed
This battle is NOT FOR YOU
IT’S FOR ME!
I allowed you to go through this so you will learn to confide and trust in me
I let her eyes turn from brown to green, momentarily
Just so you could see ME!
Used at McCafe’ as spoken word piece in the Bronx, on 7/6/11& prior events…
Poem written by Che’ri Humphrey, All rights reserved, copyrights ©2003 in compilation
of “A Diamond in the Rough…Finding The Spirit In Me!
Leading up to the McCafe’ Poetry Lounge
All had a chance and still have a chance at winning $500 at the McCafe’s Poetry Lounge held at designated McDonald’s restaurants in the tri-state area given by Irving Street (NJ) other wise known as McDonald’s Gospelfest. The event was hosted by Shaila of 98.7 Kiss FM.
“Could this be my chance to win $500 to help me go to see my grandmother,” I asked myself. For a month I had contemplated if I should participate as a spoken word artist or not, but when I heard that my dad’s mother, Rose Humphrey, has suffered from a clot on the brain and had to be taken to emergency surgery I knew something had to be done. I don’t look at myself any longer as just a poet, or a spoken word artist because I minister through my message, so I wasn’t sure if God really wanted me to do this, or just attend and do some reporting. I wasn’t excited and didn’t have too much time to practice. I kept praying that if I did God would reveal which one I should do that would minister to the audience, and knew I’d have to fast, but was waiting for His instruction. I had asked my church, Union Temple FWB in New Haven to assist me in financial efforts of going to see her the weekend of the McCafe with my younger sister, Tammie who I’d thought would go with me, but I had a feeling they’d turn me down despite the critical predicament I was in, so I decided to take a chance with barely no gas, and $2.50 in my pocket, and $2 for tolls to get home; no even a chicken wing, but a prayer (lol) to win my way there.
My cousin, Cassandra “Cookie” Humphrey was staying in the house with grandma after coming home from Malaysia after grandma had a stroke on Easter and was getting better after all the episodes of a certain family member trying to put her in a terrible home facility. She had gotten better physically, and I was overjoyed when I had the opportunity to speak to her on the phone before the 2 days of hell fire pain she started getting in her head from what was thought of as being a migraine. My grandmother and I would talk regularly this year, and I constantly would have her laughing and vice versa. At 82, I found out that grandma was really down to earth, and was actually a good conversationalist and funny. She said I was like my father; always had jokes. Even when she wanted to spank me as a child she couldn’t, usually, ‘cuz I’d bust out with a crazy moves or make my way out of butt-whooping by telling jokes. Grandma was no joke when I was young and she’d break your back, and her look alone would stab you, so I had to be very good at making her laugh (lol), or on my very best behavior at her house. Grandma loves funny people and so do I.
Anyway (Cassandra) “Sandra” was texting me, or she’d call to keep me posted, and from what she was saying it sounded very critical and bad. Then she told me grandma was calling out my name, and asking when I coming during the excruciating pain grandma was having that she couldn’t ignore. It really touched me. I was glad that she finally had power of attorney over grandma after all the mess because I really was just not in a position to hear more bad news, and was just mentally drained, and financially drained from all the events. A part of me wished I could run away to Europe, Canada, or the islands and never come back, instead of going to Savannah, GA where she was. I just needed a freakin’ break from the madness! I told my cousin all I could do was pray because I was “hit” after the talent show, “A Star Is Born: The Trinity,” the survivor of abuse workshop, “RIL,” and had done reporting at the McDonald’s Gospelfest while having to stay in hotel over the weekend. I explained that my unemployment was gone, and unless a breakthrough happens like NOW as far as a job, or this particular job I’m qualified for starting near $100 that I been applied for, or funding for this DITR comes through like yesterday; all I could do was pray, and ask others to do the same. I told her it was in God’s hands, and when 2 or 3 touch and agree no matter where we are in this world it shall be done if we’re praying for the same thing. I told her if it’s in God’s will I’ll be there this weekend if I win the $500 from the McCafe’ this week, or my church helps me. Neither happened (lol). Yet, the Holy Spirit moved while I did my piece, “Green Eyes” like a slaughtering silence, and God got me home to Bridgeport-not $2.50, or anyone’s help, okay-holla! God is still able and good, but that’s later in the story (lol).
LOST AGAIN-DARN!
This happened to me last year when I tried to get to the McCafe’ to sign up, and was told I was too late. I got lost last year for over an hour once getting into NY. Something good came out of it last year though. I met 3 wonderful poets, one Tamar Jerome-Pierre, Midnight who won last year in the Bronx, and another. Both who’ve done a couple of my events since I met them. Tamar has been such a great encouragement to me since we met although she doesn’t know it. However, I was hoping I wouldn’t miss it again that’s why I left early, but it seemed as though there was too much to do although I left from Bridgeport at 2pm. It was hot like the devil’s breathe outside, so I knew to bring my clothes with me and items to freshen up because I didn’t want to be hot, wrinkled, and sweating up a storm by the time I got there, and with barely no gas in the car I knew there’d be no way I could put the AC on and run out before I even get there.
I had the directions, and address Brian had given me, and Camille had signed me up so that was straight. Brian said to be there at 8:30pm because I would go on at 9:05pm which I was glad about because I’m usually up last all the time when I go places. Plus I wanted to do some reporting without thinking about my turn and being nervous, so speaking would be out of the way. I fasted like instructed and received confirmation to do “Green Eyes.” Why I didn’t know. I thought I’d have to do one of the two of my new pieces or “Warrior,” but I was going to be obedient. I was hot, lost, and hungry with no money to even buy chips, (lmbo) very sad, but I was determined to take a risk in order to win this money to see grandma. Besides I couldn’t eat anyway. I’ve been a risk taker all my life, and if it wasn’t for that child-like attitude to do things that don’t make sense, Diamonds In The Rough wouldn’t exist, nor would anyone know I was a poet or otherwise- ever.
Anyhoo, I ran errands in Bridgeport, and then Stamford. My friend said she hadn’t got paid, and didn’t have $10 when I asked her once I got to Stamford. So, I thought if I took back an item my mom had purchased for me when she was up from Arkansas I’d get at least $13 back, so I thought. I only got $3, ain’t that a joke. I was pissed, but I didn’t have time to be mad so I quickly rushed out pumping myself up that it would be alright-now you’re operating entirely on FAITH mode. I saw one of my oldest God children, in passing, in the Stamford mall rushing by her and almost didn’t recognize who she was until she called out my name. I yelled back, “Gotta go, gotta get to the city!” We don’t keep in touch, but I love her still. That’s an entirely different story that I don’t have time to tell, nor will I explain it in this column-ever (lol). With the $3 to add to my $4.50 I now had a total of $7.50, and I’m not ashamed to say it. It is what it is!
This too shall pass, okay!
Ask me why I’m not ashamed of this test and trial? Because I’ve had far worst days enduring having been knocked out cold by a man I tried to stop from abusing his girlfriend, and in turn had the skin on the side of my face scraped off because I hit the ground so dog-on hard then got locked for that misunderstanding and had to endure a night in jail with my menstruation on and could do nothing about it a month prior to going away to college in 1990. I’ve lost my home purchased at the age of 26 with the help of my, now deceased, aunt and all I had worked hard for in 2000 due to a co-dependent and extremely toxic and unhealthy relationship that was very abusive. Spiraling downward (unaware God was bringing me out) I’ve resorted to sleeping in the street somewhere not being able to make it home, lived in the shelter, the Y, my car, and in and out of people’s houses from CT to NC after my nervous breakdown from losing everything, trying to escape that toxic relationship, and during my period of being emotionally irate, angry, dibbling and dabbling with drugs, suffering from alcoholism and homeless because I couldn’t cope in 2000-2001. I’ve been locked up with bloody feet and no shoes with scratches on my body after beating the “hell” out of a family member and giving that person a concussion for lying to me without cause, sneaking behind me back to be with an ex, & ‘causing havoc during the worst period of my life in 2001. I’ve been kicked out a club because I tried my best to tear it up after a man I knew tried to offer me drugs and come on to me by touching my hand, so in turn I tried to hurt him and broke furniture in the club then was locked up again and banned during that time. I totaled my van after hitting a pole while in a drunken rage in 2001 over a dispute with my ex so resorted to drinking where I could’ve died. I’ve overcome being strapped down in the hospital bed with nurses trying to give me injections because I was standing on the corner after coming from a club minding my own business while realizing someone had taken my keys so the police tried to lock me up instead then chose to send me to a hospital to be evaluated over their mistake in reference to a dispute about where I lived & who had my keys confusing me with a distant cousin thinking I lived in the ghetto but my house was up Springdale near the High Ridge to later find out that someone had taken my suede jacket & my keys, had given it to the bar tender, and that I wasn’t the cousin they thought I was then offered to pay my way home when I threatened to sue in ’04. I’ve overcome rape and molestation as a child from age 4 to almost 13. Also, being taken by former boyfriend of my mom’s at age 3 approximately, and hospitalized for a week at 4 for bruises to backside of my body from another boyfriend of my mother. I don’t say it for sympathy, but know that the enemy has been trying to destroy since a toddler, and that God has always been there to rescue me from destruction because I gave my life to Him at age 9. However, He’s been a mind regulator, a redeemer, a best friend, my mother, my father, my victor, and more, but most of all the love of my soul. Thank God for healing, restoration, protection, and deliverance from alcohol, drugs, and toxic friendships. That’s why I will cut a person off in a minute if I even get a notion their not good for me because I’ve been through too much to play games, or feed into those still lying about the role they played. I’ve forgiven and received my help, truly, but I can’t be a fool again whether the person is family or a friend. Love me or leave me. I will NOT sweat about it.
I didn’t think I’d survive those ROUGH times, but I did with the Father’s help. That’s why I know He has my back. All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and are CALLED according to His purpose. Also, no one can’t tell me the Holy Spirit doesn’t reside in me because it did then while He was pulling me out of that scene when I was suffering from the toxic waste and the alcohol, and is now while I’m suffering from lack and an unhealthy living environment. I will soon come out once again with a BANG! God then delivered and healed!!!!! It got ugly before it began looking pretty. Ok!
I’m who I am because of all of it; good, bad, ugly, hellish, & triumphant. So, “This too shall pass.” I thought if I survived those times. An evening or morning, if I get stranded, in NYC for taking a chance on grandma; I’ll survive. I thought, “Hopefully I’ll win,” and me a Tammie can drive down instead, and not fly like she wants to if she brings my niece which is the plan I thought we had. I stopped by the store to get something to drink because I was dying of thirst, and now had $4 left and change. “I’ll make it,” I pumped up myself with a youthful spirit and soldier like attitude as I always do when my back is against the wall.
Hurry Up!
Okay, I’m on the highway. It was backed up for awhile. Thank God it let up. I was now on Pelham Parkway and made the wrong turn before White Plains Road. I really can’t believe this. It is 7:00 p and I still have to find a rest room in the Bronx to change. Oh God please help me I said, praying. I said the poem out loud once again to myself. I was looking real rough, but I had my hair done tied up, and all of what I needed in my bag to get myself looking half way decent at least. My face was sweating profusely. My clothes flying all over the place in the back from the wind blowing, and I was hoping my pants weren’t wrinkled.
After about 30 minutes or more I was on the right track after soliciting help with directions from a couple cops. I found a restaurant and went into wash my face, put my makeup on, and change. I endured stares from a lady outside eating because she saw me looking busted going in, and when I came out she appeared to be confused although she spoke once again. I had pics left in my “toy” camera I bought for the fest (lol), and my new notepad to take notes of the events to come, so I was now ready and feeling much better since I knew where I was, and had washed my face. I still had some ice water left so that should get me by throughout the night until it was over.
Why Lawd?!?!
I wasn’t that confident in my own spoken word piece although I knew it backwards and forwards because I didn’t understand why He wanted me to do this piece, now I do (private joke). However, I just knew that I had to trust Him, and asked that someone might be encouraged who is and has dealt with the same things I have which was the reason for writing this piece in 2003 because it seems to always be relevant and relatable to anyone who is a human being; especially for anyone who has ever accomplished anything substantial in their life when it looked liked they’d never amount to anything, big or small. I think it’s for women more so than men because you know how women are, some of us anyway, those who ain’t secure with themselves, in particular. Personally, I take delight in lifting a brotha’ or sistah’ up when they’re doing good things, and don’t mind letting a lady know-you look darn good Mamas!!! Compliments, inspiring others, and encouraging someone else doesn’t take away from who I am, or how beautiful I am. It makes me feel good doing it, genuinely.
Shaila of 98.7 Kiss FM....
"Stay tuned for part two on the McCafe..."
The McCafe is going on in Harlem, today, the 14th. Will I be there? You’ll just have to wait and see.
References (NLT Bible):
James 5:18-20
2 Samuel 22
Psalms 70 & 112
Romans 8:28-30
Isaiah 40:29-31; 49 & 51
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Ø (Need investor for autobiography movie of myself previously under the direction of Steward Bronfeld, formerly of NBC, for 1yr in ‘05-06) Running Out of the Fire! copyrights©2002, 2005, 2010, 2011. All in process of completion. All rights reserved by author. Not to be duplicated, copied, or used, and no I do NOT give permission.
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Other sites:
www.youtube.com/Cheri328 (to see spoken WORD; copyrights 2002, 2003, & ‘05)
www.16weeks.ning.com/runningintothelight (Sign up for teleconference counseling by mid August to participate with weekly sessions at the end of August)
www.talk2cheri.blogspot.com (orders for pics or DVD collection info)
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