According to Dr. Michelle Golland, in USA, “mate swapping” or “swinging” for engaging in sexual activities with the people who belong to outside of your marriage is mainly seen as deviant or strange. But does it match with the facts? It is decades back during the 1960s when sexual experimentation and free love came to the forefront. During 1970s it transformed as “Key parties”.
Who are swingers?
Before going any further it is important to define swinging. Swinging is a form of open relationship, in which partners remain committed and engaged in sexual activities, even with the other partners at the same time. They mainly regard their relations as a recreational practice or a social activity. It has added importance to their curiosity or to their conventional sex lives. Some of the swingers, who remain engaged in casual sex, are often found to be more deliberative and frank and therefore more honest than those monogamous couples who indulge in infidelity. Many swingers feel that swinging is a healthy practice that actually strengthens their swinging-relationships.
According to some recent web article, swingers are mentally healthier than their monogamous peers. The subtitle of the same article says that those men and women who swing perhaps possess some important mental health strengths.
Swingers refrain from divorces
The reasons of swingers not indulging into divorces in comparison to their monogamous peers are the traits, determining happiness and flexibility in their mental health. They have abstract thinking capacity in addition to creativity and adaptability to changing circumstances. The sex lives of the swingers are undoubtedly more flexible, if compared with the monogamous couples, in terms of sex.
According to some renowned therapist, specialized in both swingers and monogamous couples’ relationship issues, swingers do not fear, so they do not cheat. Obviously the other group i.e. monogamous couples fear, so they cheat their spouse/s. While referring about fear, monogamous couples are victims of toxic jealousy trap. This trap entails that any particular gesture or behavior may lead to a full-fledged affair, resulting into complete breakage of relationships.
Statistical revelations of divorces among monogamous couples
According to some statistical data that assume that those who blame others are the ones who actually initiate the divorce, giving their side a “good” reason. If the statistics are studied among the monogamous couples the figures come as follows:
Wives of monogamous marriages initiate 70% of divorce and blame their partners for 40% of the time; while husbands of monogamous marriages initiate 30% of divorce and blame their partners for 21% of the same casualties.
In another finding, 79% males of monogamous marriages initiated divorce is unprovoked; while the figures are 60% for the females (of the same type of marriages) to have initiated divorce to be found to be unprovoked.
The other statistical findings are 23% of divorces are the reasons for the males’ “trading-up” and 28% of divorces are for the males’ “screwing-up” that ultimately result to 51% of divorces among monogamous marriages.
Another statistical study reveals the fact that 42% of divorces are because of “trading-up” by the females of monogamous marriages; while the figures of divorces due to “screwing-up” by the females of monogamous marriages are 7%, ending up the total 49% of divorces due to women.
Hence it is revealed that men are much more likely to “screw-up” and women are much more likely to “trade-up,” Therefore, both men and women are seemingly responsible for about half of divorces in the monogamous category, so the two cancel each other out.
The fear psychosis of monogamous couples
The couples in this category also fear of exhausting their best days of sexual excitements by being settled down and remaining bonded in a marriage, which may lead to a frustrating divorce.
The fearlessness of swinging couples
The couples in this category are often found to be deeply in love and remain emotionally connected. They hardly value sex in the same line as their monogamous peers do it.
The reasons of increased divorces among monogamous couples
In case of nitty-gritty in real life, the dividing line is drawn with the “pen” of sex. One relationship therapist found that monogamous couples are more judgmental towards sex, as it always and also predominantly pervades monogamists. However, the swinging couples mostly espouse the attitude of “live-and-let-live”. Of course, many people will not generally support this attitude, because different people have different sexual emotions and needs.
In 2009 the most popular swingers website SwingLifeStyle.com agreed that subjective scientific research has been conducted in the United States since the late 1960s. A study, based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of the swingers website, found swingers are happier in their relationships than the norm.
The swingers websites concluded, that some believe sexual attraction is part of human nature and should be openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple. Some swingers say divorce in the US, and lack of quality of sex and spousal infidelity are significant factors in divorce. The final study showed Non swingers, that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit at least one extramarital affair (Reinisch, 1990), and divorce rates for first marriages approached 60%.