Susanna Barlow talked about polygamous families. In her words, “I loved growing up in a big family. It was normal to have dozens and dozens of siblings. Had there not been child abuse I may still be practicing this simply due to conditioning. Polygamy itself became an issue for me when I married my husband who was from the same polygamous faction as me. Then I began to question whether polygamy was for me. I didn’t deem it unhealthy; there are unhealthy polygamists. My family fit this category, but I’ve also seen polygamy practiced in a healthy manner, with functioning relationships and well-balanced children.”
She described the cruelty she endured, “My earliest and most vivid memories involved abuse. When I was three, two older brothers sexually abused me. This set up some attitudes about men still with me. Physical abuse was always present. I remember being shocked with a cattle prod when I got out of bed after hours. The weapon of choice was a twenty-inch piece of plastic poly tubing. My dad’s belt was a welcomed reprieve from the stick. I averaged one whipping a day but at nine years old, the abuse escalated. When we were homeschooled, we were starved into submission. Malnourished, when no food was available, we ate paper. A common beating consisted of fifty strikes. Being pulled out of bed by my hair, a jerk on the braid and face slapping was normal.
Humiliation played a huge part and left the deepest cuts and most devastating wounds. Public shaming, using God as a weapon of fear, being made to feel utterly despicable was part of my childhood. It is difficult to discuss, but I understand it’s important to talk about because doing so robs the experience of its power.”
Susanna shared the message of her memoir, What Peace There May Be.
“Aside from telling my story, the message is one of freedom. I spent much of my childhood seeking freedom that couldn’t be found in the streets or in the dark corners of my suicidal thoughts. Freedom is something inside, awareness that no outside circumstances have the power to control. The very constriction drove me deeper and deeper inside of myself until I found a silent power, a universal power all humans share; a power that will eventually break all shackles and shatter all walls!”
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