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Super Bowl host town addresses tailgate ban with street festival

Super Bowl XLVIII hits New Jersey
Super Bowl XLVIII hits New JerseyPhoto by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

For the 13th consecutive Super Bowl -- every one since 9/11 --, tailgating will be banned from the Super Bowl venue. However, in a cunning attempt to rectify this universal imbalance, East Rutherford will present: Meadowlands Tailgate Party 2014.

The details of the event were announced on Monday at the Buchmuller Park ice skating rink. General admission will be ten dollars, and will include: a beer garden, warming stations, live performance stage, and various corporate-sponsored food stations.

Also, there will be a “Devil’s Den”, where it’s rumored the New Jersey Devils mascot may be found! Don’t attempt to apprehend him though; as you will not be rewarded the 10,000 dollars for capturing him, offered by Camden in 1960, but rather, tasered by police.

It should be noted that coolers and grills are not permitted. So despite the seemingly luculent title -- “Meadowlands Tailgate Party 2014” -- , there will be ZERO actual tailgating.

“Technically, it won’t be tailgating; it’s going to be food stands and heated tents.” said East Rutherford treasurer, Jody Bartlett.

So….. It’s tailgate themed!

Mayor of neighboring Secaucus, Michael Gonnelli, also joined the fraternity of tailgate-themed celebrations by announcing the “Secaucus Winter Blast”. Launched in conjunction with the East Rutherford festivities, the “Winter Blast” will include: meet-and-greets with New Jersey Devils players, Rutgers “Grease-Trucks”, and the “Seinfeld Soupman”.

Also appearing at the “Winter Blast” will be Cindy Fox, The Naked Cowgirl. Much like the Times Square Naked Cowboy, the title is a misnomer, as she is merely scantily clad. She is under a franchise agreement with “The” Naked Cowboy, her former boyfriend of eight years.

UPDATE: The New York Times reports that The Naked Cowboy is now in a relationship with another woman, who is now also a “naked cowgirl”.

Both events take place alongside metro stations, which will allow easy transport for those who have tickets. More importantly, these events will bring commerce to a small New Jersey town -- East Rutherford's population was less than 9,000 in 2010 --, hosting the world’s largest public spectacle.