Suing your husband's mistress for alienation of affection, and other legal forms of revenge part 2

Find out what's involved in suing your husband's mistress for
alienation of affectiion. One betrayed wife recently won $9 million.
Photo: istockphoto.com / Nikolay Mamluke

Even if you don’t win $9 million like one betrayed wife did, you can still sue your husband’s mistress for alienation of affection if you live in one of the 7 states that still have this law on their books.

Cynthia Shackelford, a 60-year old North Carolina wife, was recently awarded $9 million dollars in an alienation of affection suit against her husband's alleged mistress. For details on this, see Part 1, entitled Betrayed Wife Sues Husband’s Mistress for $9 Million and Wins – You Can Too

The betrayed wife may never collect her windfall, since her husband’s mistress has nowhere near that kind of money. But Shackelford sent a powerful message to other women, that should make them think twice before getting involved with a married man.

This article, Part 2, tells how you can do the same thing, and describes 3 important things you should do before you proceed.

The Ultimate Form of Revenge

The alienation of affection lawsuit and the closely related “criminal conversation” can be considered the ultimate form of revenge for a betrayed spouse. (These lawsuits are not restricted to betrayed wives. A betrayed husband can sue his wife’s lover, too.)

But only 7 states (Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, North Carolina, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah) still have alienation of affection laws on their books.

NOTE: An “alienation of affection” lawsuit is one of the legal and financial ways to get revenge mentioned in the free infidelity tip sheet, How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate.

What an Alienation of Affection Lawsuit Entails

An alienation of affection lawsuit does not actually require proof of extramarital sex, because it is not restricted to physical or sexual infidelity. It can also apply to emotional infidelity or cyber infidelity.

Criminal conversation, a closely related lawsuit, applies specifically to extramarital sex and requires proof of a physical or sexual affair.

Because alienation of affection and criminal conversation are closely related, the two lawsuits are often combined.

Of the two lawsuits, alienation of affection is the more difficult to prove because it involves proving 3 things:

• that there was actually some degree of love between you and your husband,
• that his love for you was alienated or destroyed
• and that the willful malicious, or intentional conduct of his mistress contributed to or caused the loss of that love.

This leaves open the possibility that you can sue your husband’s mistress if she lives in one of the 7 states with this law on their books, even if she and your husband are carrying on an emotional or a cyber (online/internet) affair.

But you should consult an attorney who specializes in alienation of affection lawsuits to be absolutely sure.

With criminal conversation - a legal term for actual sexual intercourse between your husband and his mistress, - solid proof of extramarital sex is required. A licensed private investigator can help you obtain court admissible proof. See When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate.

To be on the safe side for either lawsuit, it’s best to have proof that your husband is carrying on a physical or sexual affair, an emotional affair, or a cyber, internet or online affair.

In some states, such as North Carolina, there is also a specific time frame (3 years) in which you, the injured spouse can sue.

Even if you don’t live in a state that has the alienation of affection law on its books, you still may be able to sue, if your husband’s mistress lives in one of these states, or if the actions or conduct which caused the alienation of affection occurred in one of these 7 states.

Get a Professional Opinion and Do These 3 Thngs First

This article is not intended to be legal advice. For further clarification, see Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation, and consult an attorney who specializes in alienation of affection lawsuits to see if you have a legitimate case.

But before you rush off to retain an attorney and initiate a lawsuit against your husband’s mistress, there are 3 important things you need to do first.

1. Identify the mistress
2. Get proof of the offending conduct , or proof of the affair
3. Make sure his mistress has sufficient assets to make a lawsuit worthwhile

Identify Your Husband’s Mistress

Before you can sue your husband’s mistress, you need to have her name. If you don’t know who she is, there are several ways you can find out, including doing a reverse phone or e-mail search online. For more about how easily this can done, see the free tip sheet How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on your Cheating Mate.

Get Proof of the Conduct or the Affair

If you’re suing for alienation of affection, you need proof of the offending conduct. If you’re suing for criminal conversation, then you need solid proof of a physical affair.

This is not one of those situations where you can go on rumor, hearsay, suspicion, or gut feelings. To initiate legal action of this kind, you need to have solid proof. The best way to obtain court-admissible proof is to hire a reputable private investigator. See When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate.

However, the mere threat of lawsuit might be all it takes to make your husband’s mistress back off, so you can try to salvage what's left of your marriage, and attempt to get things back on track.

Knowledge About His Mistress’s Financial Assets

It’s a good idea to run an online background check on your husband’s mistress to be sure she has sufficient assets to make an alienation of affection lawsuit worth your while.

Does she own real estate, a business, a house, a car, a boat, or other assets? Does she have tax liens against her property? Has she ever filed for bankruptcy? Is she gainfully employed? Or is she in dire financial straights? See What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why.

Unless you’re just going through the motions to teach your cheating husband and his mistress a lesson, a lawsuit is pointless (and expensive) if you can’t collect.

NOTE: If his mistress finds out that her financial well-being is in jeopardy because of her involvement with your husband, she might not be so eager to continue the affair.

Other Legal and Financial Ways to Get Revenge

Don’t be discouraged if you, your husband, or his mistress don’t live in an alienation of affection state, or none of the acts involved took place in one of these state.s There are other legal ways you can get even with your cheating mate.

More than a dozen are discussed in the free tip sheet How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate. To request a free copy e-mail InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with the words “Legal Revenge Tip Sheet - Xm” in the subject line.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or book her to speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more information on mistresses, cheating spouses, and getting revenge on a cheating mate, see:.

How to Sue Your Husband’s Mistress – Basic Things You Need to Know

Suing the Mistress Can Sometimes be a Good Strategic Move

Betrayed Wife Sues Husband’s Mistress for $9 Million and Wins – You Can, Too

How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate (free tip sheet)

Will He Leave You for Her?

What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why

When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate

How to Catch a Cheating Husband

How Betrayed Wives and Other Infidelity Victims Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate

More Women are Resorting to Violent Acts of Revenge

Why the Wife is STILL the Last to Know