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Students vie for community service hours at gov't pot stash on campus

..And they got the label wrong too!
..And they got the label wrong too!
Justin Sullivan.Getty Images

With approval of marijuana usage by Americans at a new high, the government is ‘rolling a few’ for legal research projects.

The Government’s ‘stash’ sits on a 12-acre fenced garden on the campus of the University of Mississippi in Oxford.

Needless to say, students line up for a chance at accumulating community service hours weeding and tending to the plants.

“Students enrolled in our botanical courses have first dibs on ‘anything that falls on the ground in the course of the moving or trimming process” says Dean Wormer, “It’s a perk we award to only the highest achievers.”

Wormer is former head of legacy admissions at Faber College prior to his position at U of Mississippi as grounds-keeper of the government’s high profile plot.

“Since each plant is numbered and photographed each week, the occasional clipping of a bud or two for personal study is frowned upon and will be dealt with ‘harshly’ and we’re talking about a possible ‘double secret probation’ here.

This does not mean students cannot revel in the overwhelming aroma of a fresh legal ‘field of dreams’ during their stint in the research garden.”

“There’s something cool about ‘self-medicating’ and we think the entire student body should get in on this” said botanical student Jimmy ‘Ragahead’ Mumford.

Some of the crop is shipped to Research Triangle Institute in North Carolina, where it’s rolled into cigarettes, both at taxpayer expense and through generous grants from Frito-Lay, Ben and Jerry’s and Hot Pockets brands.

“We’re trying to scientifically establish a link between smoking weed and junk food consumption. When we can do that, we’ll fund whatever studies they want”, said Johnny Herbst, a spokesperson for the snack food industry.