Are you in your 30's or 40's and wondering why you've still haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Right? Could be that you're just stuck in bad relationship pattern and don't even know it!
Sometimes we compare every person we've dated or been in a relationship with and think they are totally different types but usually we are just looking a superficial details and not the actual behavioral traits of each one.
Maybe you've dated a football player who was 6'3" and was considered a "dumb jock" but have also dated a research scientist who was so intelligent most people considered him a nerd, and then there was the "Mama's boy" who was 35 living with his mother and working part-time at the local dry cleaners. All seem very different at a glance but you have to look more at their behavior in relation to you during the relationship. Maybe they were all emotionally distant, maybe they were all afraid of commitment or maybe they all had anger issues or addiction problems.
If you look close enough, they will most likely share a common trait. In relation to you, they all would have treated you in some way that reflects or brings to the surface a void or wound from your past, usually from early childhood. If you had a father who was an alcoholic, it may be that you don't date alcoholics but attract men who have other types of addictions (gambling, prescription medicine, porn). If you had a mother who was highly critical and you could never seem to please her, you may attract people who critize you make you feel that you will never be enough.
The first step in breaking these patterns is to look for the common link. It's not always easy to find at first but when you recognize it and are able to connect it to a past void or wound from your childhood, you have completed the first step toward healing. Once you are aware of it, you will usually be able to recognize the red flags early on in a relationship and can choose to walk the other way rather than wasting more time in an unhealthy, dead end situation.
Unfortunately, patterns not only continue with you but are passed down from generation to generation in a never ending cycle. Breaking these toxic patterns has to start somewhere. Even if not for youself, at least try to break them for your future generations. Each step toward personal healing will help you to create the relationship and life you truely desire.
A few tips for breaking toxic love patterns can be found in Cosmopolitan's article 'How to Break a Toxic Love Pattern" by Korin Miller http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/break-toxic-love-pattern
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