I did a search for strip clubs within 30 miles of my zipcode. I got 15 results. I'm sure there are more than that, but even if there aren't, that's enough. In our minds, strip clubs are the places bachelors go for their parties and single men go to make use of their "singles." We don't often think of them as points of interest for married men, but they are. You can't always tell, because wedding rings have a mysterious tendency of retreating into back pockets when they get within a 20-foot radius of strippers, but married men are there, and it's more than a few.
If you've ever had a real conversation with a stripper (and I have) then you know why married men go: Strippers create the fantasy world that allows them to escape the stress of their real lives and their real wives. Most married women don't wear 5-inch clear stilletos and pasties all day, but strippers do. Most married women don't just do whatever you like while staring into your eyes seductively, but strippers do. And most importantly, most married women won't be quiet and keep their opinions to themselves, but strippers do. Their appeal is more than carnal; they provide a portal of escape.
So, are these portals harmless or dangerous? That answer depends on whom you ask. If you ask me, they're dangerous, but if you ask many others, they're completely harmless. "I'm secure with myself and trust my man," is the common explanation I get from wives for why it is permissable for their husbands to go to strip club. I, too, am secure and trust my man, but that, to me, has nothing to do with the permissibility of going to strip clubs.
My decision is not based on insecurity or lack of trust, but on the definition of "wise choices." A wise choice is one that is well thought-out and more likely to have beneficial than detrimental results. Regardless of how secure I may be, regardless of how trustworthy he may be, strip clubs are full of naked women doing sexually-suggestive dances. We all know the nature of men. They're visual, and very easily aroused by the mere sight of a woman's body. Why would it ever be a wise choice for a married man to put himself in that situation? Just as a severe diabetic knows better than to hang out in a candy shop, men, too, should know their weaknesses.
"I know plenty of married men who go to strip clubs and never cheat." This is the response I get in defense of the act. I believe it's true; there are many men who go and don't cheat. However, I also know there are many that go and do cheat. And for every married man that goes to the strip club and has never cheated, there's a married man who goes to the strip club and has never cheated until today. The more you put yourself in bad situations, the more likely you are to make a bad decision. It's not guaranteed, as few things are in life, but it's risky. Why would you want to risk something as precious as your marriage? What if, on that one day when you were fresh off a heated argument with your wife and weren't quite in your right mind, you did cheat? What then? Will you justify it by pointing out the many times you didn't cheat? Will you blame the stripper or your state of mind? And will any of that make your wife's pain any less? I doubt it. It's good to be secure. It's good to be trustworthy, but it's also good to make wise choices.
Sending beautiful energy your way,
Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)
All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.