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Strip Clubs: Harmless pastime or dangerous addiction?

It's just a little stripping... no harm in it, right?
It's just a little stripping... no harm in it, right?

I did a search for strip clubs within 30 miles of my  zipcode. I got 15 results. I'm sure there are more than that, but even if there aren't, that's enough. In our minds, strip clubs are the places bachelors go for their parties and single men go to make use of their "singles." We don't often think of them as points of interest for married men, but they are.  You can't always tell, because wedding rings have a mysterious tendency of retreating into back pockets when they get within a 20-foot radius of strippers, but married men are there, and it's more than a few.

If you've ever had a real conversation with a stripper (and I have) then you know why married men go: Strippers create the fantasy world that allows them to escape the stress of their real lives and their real wives. Most married women don't wear 5-inch clear stilletos and pasties all day, but strippers do. Most married women don't just do whatever you like while staring into your eyes seductively, but strippers do. And most importantly, most married women won't be quiet and keep their opinions to themselves, but strippers do. Their appeal is more than carnal; they provide a portal of escape.

So, are these portals harmless or dangerous? That answer depends on whom you ask. If you ask me, they're dangerous, but if you ask many others, they're completely harmless. "I'm secure with myself and trust my man," is the common explanation I get from wives for why it is permissable for their husbands to go to strip club. I, too, am secure and trust my man, but that, to me,  has nothing to do with the permissibility of going to strip clubs.

My decision is not based on insecurity or lack of trust, but on the definition of "wise choices." A wise choice is one that is well thought-out and more likely to have beneficial than detrimental results. Regardless of how secure I may be, regardless of how trustworthy he may be, strip clubs are full of naked women doing sexually-suggestive dances. We all know the nature of men. They're visual, and very easily aroused by the mere sight of a woman's body. Why would it ever be a wise choice for a married man to put himself in that situation? Just as a severe diabetic knows better than to hang out in a candy shop, men, too, should know their weaknesses.

"I know plenty of married men who go to strip clubs and never cheat." This is the response I get in defense of the act.  I believe it's true; there are many men who go and don't cheat. However, I also know there are many that go and do cheat. And for every married man that goes to the strip club and has never cheated, there's a married man who goes to the strip club and has never cheated until today. The more you put yourself in bad situations, the more likely you are to make a bad decision. It's not guaranteed, as few things are in life, but it's risky. Why would you want to risk something as precious as your marriage? What if, on that one day when you were fresh off a heated argument with your wife and weren't quite in your right mind, you did cheat? What then? Will you justify it by pointing out the many times you didn't cheat? Will you blame the stripper or your state of mind? And will any of that make your wife's pain any less? I doubt it.  It's good to be secure. It's good to be trustworthy, but it's also good to make wise choices.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail
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All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.


  • D.B. from K.C. 5 years ago

    Great article! Strong points and not preach-ie. It's good to hear from strong, intelligent, healthy women. Oh and I went into a strip club once. I won't go back. It was the sleaziest environment I had ever entered. Not much good things happening in there. Bad news.

  • Courtney Bee, Sexual Health Examiner 5 years ago

    Thanks for the link, Nadirah! I definitely believe that the arguments on both sides have merit and that it's an issue that affects each couple differently.

  • TruthSeeker 4 years ago

    Excellent article, Nadirah. As an added thought you have to wonder why women who accept their partners stepping outside of the relationship to seek sexual stimulation from other (real, live) women don't seem to care they are also accepting a double standard. Surely they get bored with their guy, feel like they'd enjoy a romantic "escape" with another man who would flirt with them, listen to them, and turn them on sexually.

    What are the agreements they have about their relationship? Are both equally free to seek out sexual or romantic thrills with the opposite sex. . .or just him? Why??

    Why accept male privilege and entitlement. Most women don't feel "entitled" to escape from a state (marriage or committed relationship) they voluntarily entered. As did their husbands. Life as a mature adult involves trade-offs and they're looking the other way (or going along to participate themselves) as their partners try to have their cake and eat it too.

    Women aren't second-class citizens and they shouldn't tolerate second-class treatment.

  • Casey 1 year ago

    This is pretty sexist... Men are not animals who are unable to control their instincts. If a man wants to cheat he will do it with or without a strip club, and if he doesn't want to cheat then he won't. Besides, these are strip clubs, not brothels. Anyone who gets too touchy feely will most likely get kicked out, and the strippers aren't prostitutes...

  • xyz 1 year ago

    You have obviously never been to a bachelor party at strip clubs. A lot of those strippers are also prostitutes. What do you think the "private back room" is for? Some strippers will do a lot more than stripping if the price is right. I have seen it with my own two eyes many times. As long as she/he agrees to it, she can do what she wants. It may not be legal, but it's definitely not against strip club rules.

  • single_guy 1 year ago

    I agree with XYZ, the rules are pretty fluid in strip clubs. Those strippers will do anything and everything for the right price.

    Nadira makes very valid points and there's no need for us men to jump in self defense Casey, we are as visual as she describes us, it doesn't mean that's all there is to us but the subject here is strip clubs and what goes on in there.

    Yes men don't need a strip club to cheat but the strip clubs present too many of those opportunities under that false blanket of "fun".

    I am an unmarried guy and got kinda hooked into strip clubs after attending a couple of friends bachelor parties.
    I slept with some Asian gals before, but I quickly brought myself back to order with taking the fantasy all the way, now I just go there for drinks and fun.

    I do want to quit going to such joints because frankly, anything that leaves you feeling guilty should probably be avoided altogether. Your feelings are your moral compass.

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