Stranger danger tips from Positive Discipline trainer Dodie Blomberg

Although "don't talk to strangers" is a popular line that parent feed to kids, it's not really what helps children develop healthy skills and habits in dealing with stranger issues. Positive Discipline trainer Dodie Blomberg explains why in a video segment on ABC15’s Smart Family feature in Phoenix, AZ.

Reasons Why "Don't Talk to Strangers" Isn't Helpful

Blomberg explains in the video at the right that "don't talk to strangers" isn't a realisitc or helpful approach. Blomberg admits that "don't talk to strangers" sounds like a great idea, but then parents' words don't match up with their actions. "We talk to strangers," Blomberg tells televison interviewer Daphne Munro. We talk to the lady behind the deli. We talk to the man at the check out ... We say one thing and we do another."

Stranger Danger Tips for Young Children

To protect very young children, Blomberg quotes Gavin de Becker, author of Protecting the Gift, "When children are really young ... you don't let them get farther away than you than would your purse or briefcase." So close supervision is essential because young children are too small to fight back or ward off a stranger.

Blomberg also recommends teaching young children to remember their address and phone number as soon as they can because if they are separated from you, they can let someone else know how to get in touch with a parent.

Stranger Danger Education for Older Children

Blomberg recommends three specific strategies for teaching older children about strangers:

• Give opportunities for children to talk to strangers with your supervision: When doing errands with your children, let your child give your order to the man behind the deli counter or let your child order for themselves and talk to the server at a restaurant. Children will internalize some of these experiences to learn what seems "natural" as a stranger conversation and what doesn't.
• Allow Children to Say No to Adults: Many parents might be horririfed at the thought of their child telling an adult "no," but Blomberg points out that children will not have the experience to tell a stranger a firm "no" and express confidence while doing so if they've never had any practice. She advises to give your child some opportunities where they can say no.
• Encourage Kids to Trust Their Gut Feelings: Children may not feel safe or comfortable hugging Uncle Bob, so if children hesitate, parents shouldn't pressure kids to engage with others in ways that don't feel safe to them. Communicate to children that they should listen to their gut, especially when it's telling them that something seems fishy or uncomfortable, even if there's not a logical reason why.

Watch Blomberg's Interview Segment on ABC15

Parents, grandparents and child care providers can watch Blomberg discuss stranger danger issues on the Smart Family segment by clicking on the video box at the left.