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Stormtrooper cosplay causes Kansas business to go on lockdown

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On Monday, an unnamed Salina attorney was counseling a veteran when the strangest thing passed by the window. A man dressed in head to toe body armor walked past carrying what the veteran initially identified as an AK-47. Understandably alarmed, the attorney phones the police and warned them about the potential threat.

Swarms of Salina police descended on the street, prepared for the worst. When they arrived on the scene, though, officers found no apparent threat, only a nerd named Chris Burns who likes to dress up as a stormtrooper in his free time. None of the photos taken at the time give a clear shot of Burns' "AK-47," but we suspect it was in the same mold as this guy.

According to, Burns is an area manager at the local Jimmy Johns. In his off hours, Burns has decided the quickest route to easy street is to get Internet famous for doing silly stuff while dressed as a stormtrooper. If you want you can check out Burns' Stormtrooper Sam Vine page, a treasure trove of comedic gems like watching a Stormtrooper try to ride a bike, or buy a car, or look for those pesky droids.

If you like watching stormtroopers do normal things and make on-the-nose references to the film franchise, it's really worthwhile. If, however, you've seen every possible combination of "these aren't the droids you're looking for," then your best bet is to try and find something funny. At this point, the only person who might enjoy Burns' offerings is the attorney who didn't recognize a stormtrooper at a glance.

Rather than hassle Burns for his clear lack of friends (and overwhelming need for attention), police simply warned Burns to think before he tries to get famous and then sent Burns on his way.

Quick Editorial Aside: Dude, you live within spitting distance of four colleges, but you're spending around $700 on a stormtrooper costume? Is your plan to get friends and be swarmed with ladies coming to fruition like you'd hoped? Our suggestion is ditch the costume (Star Wars is awesome, you are not), save up some tuition and move out of what we assume must be your parent's house or else be doomed to manage that Jimmy Johns forever.


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