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Stop trying to win the break up

Going through a break up can be a very difficult time in your life. Regardless of how long you were with that person, if your heart was in it at all, it's bound to be a difficult time for you. Once you get through the emotional roller coaster of dealing with the end of a relationship internally, you suddenly realize you have to figure out how to deal with it externally. What will other people say? How will you act when you see each other again? How do you handle it on social media? What do you do? How do you manage to look like you've got it all together???

Stop trying to win the break up! Just take the time to heal.
Versatile Optics Media / Google Images

Being the first to get over your ex. For some strange reason, it's not enough to just end things and move on like mature adults. Nope! That would be too easy. Instead, the break up becomes some kind of sick game where you each try to prove that you are over each other. And of course it's a race, so you have to be the first one to get over it. How sad is that? Instead of taking whatever time it takes for you to go through the grieving and healing process, you try to rush yourself through it just to prove to your ex and everyone else that you're okay. That makes absolutely no sense. The idea of "saving face" makes sense and is only natural, but try to focus more on yourself instead of being worried about what other people will think or say.

Related article: Can you remain friends with an ex?

Looking good and like you've got it all together. One part of seeming like you've got it all together after a break up is trying not to look a hot mess. When you're going through a difficult time emotionally, it tends to show on you physically. Ladies may not go get the hair and nails done. Might not bother to put on make up. Fellas might not go get their hair cut and are walking around ashy and dramatically dressed down. But you can't just walk around looking busted! Of course, you don't want to run into your ex while you're looking a mess. You've got to pull yourself together and try to not look like you're going through. This one is actually not so bad. Dressing up and keeping yourself up will make you feel better and might help you with the coping and healing process. But don't do it for your ex! Make sure you're doing it for you!

Related article: How to get closure without the other person.

Finding a great rebound relationship. The biggest way we try to prove that we are over our ex is by being in a newer and better relationship with someone else. But before you get carried away posting pics on Facebook and IG, check your motives. Are you posting about your relationship because you are truly happy and excited about sharing your happiness or are you trying to prove to your ex and other on-lookers that you have officially moved on? The main difference here is your intent. There is nothing wrong with getting into another relationship and there isn't anything wrong with posting pics on social media networks. The issue comes in when you do either or both to prove that you're "okay". You should never do anything to prove anything to anyone. Make sure that whatever you do, you are being true to who you are. Rushing into a rebound relationship just to win the break up will only result in more problems for you down the line.

Related article: How to date again: Re-entering the dating world after a break up.

Stop trying to win the break up. It's just not worth it. And if you're really honest with yourself, no one wins ever. You can't win a break up. It's always going to hurt your heart. Unless you never really cared about that person at all, there's no need to try to pretend that it was no big deal. You know better, your ex knows better, and anyone from the outside looking in knows better. Just try to take the necessary time to truly get over your ex without playing all of the childish games.

What do you think? Why do we always try to win the break up?

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Also read: What's the point of taking a break in a relationship?

©Tara Carr 2014, All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior written permission and consent from the author or Clarity Digital Group LLC, DBA

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