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Stop letting your ex re-appear once you have moved on

Ray J must be content with being a 3rd wheel
Ray J must be content with being a 3rd wheel

This week, it was released that the King of petty, Ray J, will be sending a wedding gift to Kim Kardashian in the form of a check. Not just a simple monetary gift though. According to Gawker, Ray J is writing Kardashian a check in the value of about $47,000. Why that odd amount? Because it's his residuals (4 months worth) from their forever-infamous sextape.

Not only is this petty, it's in poor taste and disrespectful. What Ray J is doing is not anything abnormal though. Exes often interject themselves into your present and future plans. If you allow it, exes and their actions can potentially hold you hostage emotionally. Moving forward after a breakup is your responsibility. It's also your primary concern to protect the integrity and keep the peace in your new relationship. Kanye West knew what he was getting into. Ray J may never really go away. But everyday people should have their guards up about exes.

Exes only check in when they're single and lonely: Never in the history of the world has a person spent a minute thinking about his/her former when life is going well for them. Exes sometimes expect both of you to take the same amount of time to heal from the break up. That's seldom true. So if your ex sends you a random "hey stranger" text or is just reaching out to check on you, know that he or she isn't dealing with anyone of significance or at all. (You see Reggie Bush never talks about Kim or what she's doing.)

Exes want to see how vested you are in a new relationship: If your ex is anything like Ray J, he or she has a huge ego that's hard to tame. Ray J's whole platform is "I made you famous". And although that's slightly accurate, Kim Kardashian has turned private bedroom escapades into an multi-millionaire dollar empire of media, fashion, and fragrances; not to mention a cute baby. Not only can exes not stand to see you flourishing without them, they also want to test how committed you are to any serious relationship you encounter. Your significant other should be assured that even in a trapped elevator, your ex doesn't stand a chance with you.

Exes don't want to be friends: It's hard to generalize but exes typically only want to remain friends if there was a clean break and no hard feelings. If your break up was under straight-forward terms (for example: you grew apart, didn't want to do long distance, fell out of love), then it may be possible to salvage a friendship if he or she has shown you function better as friends. However, remaining friends with an ex who is toxic only retards your healing process.

Exes aren't going to change: It's hard when you break up to let go of the good times. But something I always say is in order to find the right person, you have to stop romanticizing the wrong person. If there were things that fundamentally needed to change about your ex while you were with him/her, those things aren't going to magically change when you're no longer a couple. People pick and choose for whom and why they want to change. And sometimes love just isn't enough.

The reappearing act from exes can come in so many different ways. Exes tend to pop up when you're not thinking about them or the relationship. It's as if something in the universe tells them to open up an old wound. But once you've decided to move on, you have to remember why going backwards is a terrible decision.

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