Dear Annie, I want to fly from my home in San Francisco to Arizona to meet my my new boyfriend. Even though we only know each other through online correspondence, we have been in a committed relationship for two months. What is the best way to run a security check before meeting him? Joan
Dear Joan, Why don’t you ask your boyfriend to fly here? Inform him that he must stay in a hotel or with friends while you get to know each other better. If he cares for you, it’s likely that he’ll be happy to do so. If he wants a casual relationship, he’ll drop you for someone who is more convenient.
When you are in an email relationship with someone who you have never met, fantasy is likely to be a big part of it. Things will probably change once you meet, even if both of you look like your photos and get along well in person.
As a woman, you always want to avoid getting in a situation in which a stranger could hurt you. Long-distance romances originating on the Internet are a common vehicle for scammers. While it’s unlikely that your romantic interest is pulling the wool over your eyes, you have no way of verifying his identity until you’ve spent time with him.
During his visit, use the same safety boundaries that you would when meeting any stranger. Meet him in a public place. Don’t get into his vehicle or invite him into your home. Don't give him any personal information, such as credit card or bank account numbers.
Don’t hesitate to check him out on the Internet. See if you can find him with a Google or Facebook search. If he looks like his online profile photo, you can drag it into a Google Image Search bar. Sites like Spokeo or Zabasearch give you basic, mostly accurate, information for free, but charge for a full background check. Consider it money well spent.
Taking a little time to investigate someone you’ve never met before getting involved is always smart. Once you are reassured that your new beau is legit, take it slowly. The only way to discover if he’ll be a good boyfriend is to see how he treats you in the long run.
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Friday, November 18, 8PM-Midnight. Click here for details
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