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State of Florida says no to pot initiative

Devil's weed set to invade Florida? State says 'We're not gonna 'toke' it'
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Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi’s office sent Jodi James, the Director of the Cannabis Action Network in Melbourne, FL the following letter regarding their petition for medical use.

Ms. James:

Thank you for your petition wherein you request the Attorney General to temporarily reschedule cannabis to legal status, but does the term, ‘When hell freezes over’ mean anything to you?

Let me put my drink down and give you the facts.

If the amendment were to pass, the only economy that it will boost is snack foods and the pipe and bong industries. Of course the prison population will take a huge plunge.

Some misguided persons could use marijuana in a manner that does not fall under what we call ‘medicinal purposes’ and further, the State of Florida is not in the business of making people ‘happy.’

The proposed ballot initiative by People United for Medical Marijuana would amend the state constitution to allow patients to use the banned herb for “debilitating diseases.”

We feel that ‘stoking up a doobie’ and watching 2001 A Space Odyssey is not ‘debilitating’ unless the user eats too much cookie dough with chocolate drizzle and gets a horrible stomach ache.

We know this because we’ve had ‘moles’ conduct controlled tests at many fraternity houses at the University of Florida and Florida State.

We at the State of Florida don’t want you to think there are no other solutions to pain and suffering. You get enough of that directly from the Governor’s office.

Licensed pharmaceuticals with many side effects are legally available to the ill and aging population. We trust the lobbyists for that industry to give us the true and unvarnished facts on the safety of such medicines. That is what you should take if you’re sick.

The pharmaceutical industry is down our throats like a giant Xanax pill. Help us here.

If the amendment passes, Florida law would allow marijuana in limitless situations, like its use at concerts, movie theaters, the beach, and just hanging out. Is that the kind of life you want? Me neither!

That’s how we feel, now is it five o’clock yet?


Edward A. Tellechea
Chief Assistant Attorney General

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