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Stash's Big Bong Cafe

Hey man, where's Stash's Big Bong?
Hey man, where's Stash's Big Bong?
internet/Rus Pishnery

Marijuana is now legalized in Colorado and Washington and is available for medical use in at least twenty states at this time. It seems that pot is becoming a budding industry, something we have been anxiously anticipating since the sixties. Soon, hopefully, the entire nation will be exploding with reefer madness.

Up in Smoke
internet/Rus Pishnery

So once I got my prescription filled for medical marijuana to treat my glaucoma, peripheral artery disease and erectile dysfunction, an idea sprang in my head on how to make some easy cash off of this. (For the record, I only suffer from one of the three disorders I mentioned and erectile dysfunction is not one of them).

Anyway, this is probably the best scheme I’ve had since I invented powdered water years ago. Allow me to give you the straight dope.

In Colorado and Washington marijuana retail outlets are springing up all over the place. In states that have medicinal marijuana dispensaries are growing like wildfire. Stoners and heads are flocking to these places and I’m thinking that opening a munchies café across the street from these joints just might be the ticket for my financial road to freedom. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Kind of like a Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, only legit.

With my background in restaurants and marijuana this should be a moneymaker. First off, the name, hmmm, something catchy, I got it! Stash’s Big Bong, sort of a take-off on a Polish deli and a hit CBSTV sit-com. The first thing I do is put up a giant rack of Cheetos as you walk in the door alongside a cooler of Red Bull and Mountain Dew. That’s the ticket, hit ‘em right when they walk in the door.

The décor would obviously be black lights, lava lamps and velvet Jimi Hendrix art. The wait staff would also be appropriately attired with facial stickers, glitter and fringed uniforms. So far, everything is beautiful.

Now for the menu. I rolled up a fat one, including all of the easy things might who might be high enjoys. Substance matters more than taste.

Jelly Donuts

15 Oz. Pillsbury refrigerated biscuits (2 Cans out of the value pack. Don't Use the Grands)

Fry Oil

1 Cup Sugar

2 Tbs.Ground Cinnamon

1 Cup Jelly (Any Flavor you like, Strawberry works well)

Drop four biscuits into the heated oil whole. It will take slightly longer to cook through than the munchkins and rings but be careful not to let them burn.

Let cool on a plate with a paper towel to soak up excess oil.

Once cooled completely, use a butter knife to pierce a hole into the side of the donuts

Cut one of the bottom corners off of a ziplock just big enough to fit into the hole you pierced through the donuts.

Fill the ziplock with jelly of choice. Use a separate ziplock for each different flavor.

Insert end into the donut, use the butter knife if you need to and gently squeeze enough filling until it starts coming back out. Don't overfill too much.

Coat in sugar or frost if desired.

I remember back in the day stumbling back to the house late and reaching in the freezer for a frozen pot pie. This was before microwaves and it seemed like it took for days in the oven, provided I remembered to turn the oven on in the first place. Here’s an easy quick one.

Pot Pie

1 3/4 Cups Bisquick , Divided

2 Tbs.Milk

1/3 Cup Milk

2 Tbs. Onions, Chopped

Freshly Ground Black Pepper

1 1/4 Cups Chicken Broth

1 Cup Frozen Mixed Vegetables

1 1/2 Cups Cooked Chicken, Cut up

Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Bottom Crust:.

Cut 2 tablespoons butter into 1 cup Bisquick baking mix until mixture resembles fine crumbs.

Stir in 2 tablespoons milk until mixture begins to form a ball and cleans side of bowl.

Pat dough on bottom and up to rim of an ungreased pie plate and bake for 5 minutes.

Heat remaining butter in 2 quart saucepan until melted.

Stir in 1/4 cup Bisquick baking mix, onion and pepper.

Cook, stirring constantly until mixture is bubbly, remove from heat.

Stir in chicken broth; add vegetables.

Heat to boiling, stirring constantly.

Boil and stir 1 minute. Stir in chicken and heat through.

Pour chicken mixture into bottom crust.

Mix remaining ingredients until smooth.

Pour evenly over chicken mixture, spread gently to edge.

Bake 25 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Finally, if you’re not too paranoid and you can remember that you have dehydrator running for 24 hours, who does’nt get into beef jerky?

Beef Jerky

1 Flank Steak, Sliced Thin

1/2 Cup Soy Sauce

1 Tsp. Liquid Smoke

2 Tsps. Garlic Powder

Freshly Ground Black Pepper

1 Tsp.Red Pepper

2 Tsps. Brown Sugar

Mix all ingredients together and marinate for 24 hours.

If you remember the next day. Drain and pat dry.

Dehydrate until done-24 to 36 hours, or so.

Stay high my friends and check out the groovy slideshow.