Fox News ran a late breaking news banner under the cartoon series ‘Family Guy’ which said Rand Paul, Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House John Boehner decided to support ‘Obamacare’ and legislatively close any discussion of a vote to repeal the president’s signature healthcare initiative.
Speaker Boehner said, “Mr President, the 50th House bill to repeal it was an aberration. We should have never taken that vote. People need healthcare.”
“Wow” said the President in a midday press conference as he grinned ear to gigantic ear, “I can’t believe they are finally on board with the program. If this continues, we’ll allow them to sign up.”
Senator Ted Cruz, speaking through a spokesperson, “I agree with my colleagues, “I’ve had just about enough of this negative politicking. I’m going to resign my seat and write a book on acupuncture. He laughed, “The first thing I’ll do is stick a needle in my brain and see if there’s any feeling.”
Just as Obama was finishing up the question portion, an aide rushed up and whispered in his ear. “I’ve got some startling news ladies and gentlemen” he said, “Russia has started to pull its troops back from the Crimea region and promises to never breach another border!”
In other news, a tweet from Mary Barra, auto giant GM’s CEO, was posted today with the headline ‘Only Kidding!!!’ Don’t bother bringing your car in for a callback. It was a joke that was started by a disgruntled employee.
In a communique from North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un, the Democratic People’s Republic head honcho for life and Queen of the May, all men attending university will now have to get their hair cut in the same style as Kim. Women still have 18 styles they can choose from, but men will now only have Un.
The States of South Carolina and Texas now say they will not try to inject their version of the creation of the planet whether it was 6,000 years ago or the four and a half billion as scientists say. “We’ll move on to other battles” says Governor Rick Perry of Texas, “Like whether to give women the vote.”
It is April Fool’s Day, yet one of these stories is true.