If all the statistics floating around out there have you shaking in your boots, fear not. Know that even if about half of US marriages end in divorce, there is another half that makes it through. Which side you land on depends largely in part on your willingness to put in the work.
No one wants to view marriage a job. It doesn't sound romantic enough, but that's what it is. Couples get caught up in the whirlwind of expecting constant romance and are often thrown off balance when they discover the reality. It's important to understand the amount of work your marriage will require. Knowing this up front makes it easier to handle in the moment. Following are some tips for getting off to a good start.
Don't blame during arguments. Focus on your own contribution
Even if you find your complete and total soul mate, there will be differences. There will be misunderstandings. Analyzing the role you play in the situation, instead of blaming and accusing, is a better way of reaching a resolution. In the heat of battle, couples often get defensive and begin to point fingers, an easy way to remove the focus from themselves. As we've all experienced, this does nothing to solve the problem and only escalates the emotion.
Speak words of kindness
When people get comfortable with each other, the rules of decorum usually go out the window. It can be easy to think you can say and do anything to your spouse because you're married. This isn't true. You should always be kind, even when you don't want to be. It is a sign of respect and sends the message "Because I'm committed to you, I will always treat you well." Watching your tongue (and tone) also eases the tension during arguments. You'll see. It's so much easier to deal with a problem when you don't have expletives and insults flying around.
Know your issues
It might be worth it to invest in some personal therapy before the big day. Discovering and learning to manage your own issues is a huge benefit to your marriage. Many times, the things that bother you the most about your partner have more to do with you than they do with the other person. When you're not aware of your own hang ups, you won't know when they are dictating your behavior and responses.
For more tips on strengthening your relationship, click here to read the advice of a couple that has been married over 27 years.
Sending beautiful energy your way,
Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)
All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved