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Stand up seating on airlines: Oxymoronic?

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This a picture of:

A, The driver’s seat in a trebuchet

B, The latest chiropractic ‘buddy’ chair

C, A medieval ass whipping machine

Are you sitting down?

In a recent patent filing, plane manufacturer Airbus included diagrams for new standing seats. ‘Standing seat’ is an oxymoron and so are the people who thought this one up.

Think of yourself standing in a crowded bar. That’s not bad, but you’re on a plane and there’s no bar. You can never sit down, and really, the more you drink, the more you want a seat.

For short flights this might actually work, but you have to remain tense for the entire time. If you’re not a body builder your thighs will swell like a goose’s liver in Sarlat, France.

In addition, Boeing is working on adding capacity to its short-haul 737 narrow-body model.

They plan to squeeze in more passengers by reducing the space between seats by two inches. If you get hinky when the passenger next to you takes over the armrest, you’ll go through the paper thin roof when your arms are pressed against your chest and you can’t maneuver the glasses out of your shirt pocket without getting a ‘charley horse’.

Avio-interiors of Italy, a manufacturer of airline seats, unveiled a seat shaped like a saddle called the ‘Sky Rider’ that requires standing as well.

The Sky Rider design allows just 23 inches of legroom which is 7 inches less than average coach seating. Passengers would have to sit at an angle with their weight on their legs. Think deep vein thrombosis. Your personal space would be so compressed you’ll have intimate knowledge of the thread count in the seat ahead.

A spokesperson for the manufacturer said, "The seat ... is like a saddle. Cowboys ride eight hours on their horses during the day and still feel comfortable in the saddle."

A professional cowboy in the saddle is not a middle aged desk bound person who only stretches their legs on a trip to the fridge during commercials. If the ‘Sky Rider’ comes to these shores maybe it would create a new job in the category of ‘Sky Crammer’.

The next category for airline passengers will be ‘less than 100 pounds’ and you’ll be in a hammock. The good news is that if the plane hits an air pocket, you won’t be jerked from your seat, you’re already there.

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