Andrew WK...be honest: Does it look like he would ever require a restraining order?
It’s pretty much common knowledge restraining orders are given out like candy on Halloween, because when that kooky ex-girlfriend shows up at her former beau’s house with enough artillery to make General Petraeus jealous, the judge can always say, “What - it’s not my fault – I gave her that piece of paper that told her to keep a hundred yards away!”
The world of music is no different, and over the years the industry has been littered with stalkers that really pushed things too far where it was better to err on the side of caution, especially in the wake of the tragic deaths of John Lennon and Pantera’s Dimebag Darrell, both slain by obsessed fans.
First of all, if you’re over the age of 15 and don’t have kids but still know how to find the Disney Channel on your digital cable box – there’s a problem.
Comcast should treat it like the opposite of those smut channels. “You have an 8 year-old? OK, cool – we’ll set you up with Disney – how about Nick Jr. for the heck of it too?” But when you check-in at 26 years of age and say, “Yeah hi, I’m looking for “Dora the Explorer” on my channel guide and can’t find it.”
“Sorry sir, but you’re too old for that. Could I interest you in the MLB package?”
And if it wasn’t bad enough that Rihanna still has to talk about getting batted around by Chris Brown, now she has to deal with a stalker who has been sending her sexually explicit letters, signing them “Buster.”
Not like doing something like that isn’t creepy enough; but signing it “Buster” is no way to impress the ladies. You might as well go with “Rico” or “Aldo” if you’re gonna go that far.
It’s not just the jailbait young girls and tantalizing women that have to deal with the crazies either; the hard living dudes get them just as bad – sometimes worse.
Axl Rose had a mid-90s stalker who claimed she was the singer’s wife and that he was “communicating telepathically” with her. Apparently, like the rest of the world, she wasn’t too impressed with Chinese Democracy, and in 2009 started to bug Justin Timberlake and Metallica. She actually accused Timberlake, along with Kid Rock and Eminem, of following her for years.
It must be something about Guns N’ Roses, or at least the former members, who attract the stalker type. Last year both Slash and drummer Steven Adler shared not only former Gunner status, but also a woman who claimed to be a long lost lover of the latter.
Lisa Jill-Martin Cahn hired multiple private investigators to track down Adler, had gifts delivered to his house, and called members of Slash’s family in trying to get in touch with the drummer. Both were successful in acquiring restraining orders against the woman, but incredulously, she returned them and said that the orders were the way the musicians were choosing to communicate with her.
Last week, rocker, motivational speaker and really, really big fan of white clothing Andrew W.K. penned a column for the UK newspaper The Guardian titled, “'It's time to let you hear the song which earned me a juvenile restraining order.”
He then goes on to detail how at the precocious age of 17 he was consumed by a girl classmate as only an awkward, high-school student addled with raging hormones can be.
“We were required to make a final project which was presented to the head of the school and graded as our final exam,” wrote W.K., then known as Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier. “This was when my crush was at its absolute height.”
A young Andrew decided to record a song for his final, and it was a bit disturbing.
“I've never recorded another song like it, and now – listening to it after all these years – I can see why.”
Titled “My Destiny” the song it what would be expected of a teenager sonically; not very produced, dark and sad – a bit like Bauhaus meets an early Type O Negative demo. But it’s the ominous nature of the lyrics that sent the girl running to the police.
“You are my destiny / I'll make you fall in love with me / I'll make myself your fantasy,” goes the chorus; but it’s the end of the just under three minute track that starts to veer into stalker territory.
“Harm – that's what you're in for / If you don't open your door,” croons W.K. immediately after saying that he doesn’t want to harm the subject. Then he goes on to detail how he plans to knock “a million times” until his knuckles bleed, a blood that, of course, will leave a stain forever on her.
Not exactly common material from the guy who would go onto include the songs “It’s Time to Party,” “Party Hard” and “Party til You Puke” on his critically acclaimed debut.
The assistant to the head of the school was alerted to “My Destiny,” made W.K. sit next to his parents and listen to it, resulting in him being sent to a psychiatrist.
And when the girl who the lovesick song was about heard it? She freaked out, law enforcement got involved, and W.K. was issued a juvenile restraining order that lasted until he was 21.